Week 22 Dr Checkup

Week 22 Dr visit. Everything looking good. Measuring right on target, no significant preterm issues thus far, strong, steady heart rate, and mommy has now officially gained 8 pounds. Next appt 4 weeks, ultrasound to recheck growth and bowel issues in 6 weeks. Praying for no preterm issues before my next appt! The Dr told baby(and mommy) to behave today.

Bedrest is continue to test my ability to sit still but I requested crocheting tools for Christmas and a sewing machine so that is helping! I have finished 4 crochet projects and plan to start on the sewing machine today!! I'm really excited to try to make the bedding for the crib. I have a few months to get the hang of this before the project has to be done!!

This pregnancy seem to be flying by, probably with the rush of all the holidays. The kids finally got to feel him moving, he has always been so far down in my pelvis that they could never really feel it but now he has moved up in the uterus(or flipped his feet up that direction). Leah has been dying to feel him move so she is constantly asking me know "is he moving?" We are enjoying every little kick that we can.

Oh how I love pregnancy!! If it wasn't for the injections that we had just discovered I needed to take with these last 2 pregnancies, it is hard to tell how many kids we would have! I am realizing this time though, that my body is not as young as it used to be. Pregnacy does get harder the older you get. I am not sure my body will bounce back from this go round like it has the other 4 times!

We are still debating out names. I am pretty sure we have locked it down to a top 2 but haven't decided to set one in stone. We are now talking middle names and trying to decide which combo we like best! I'll be posting as soon as we decide.

What does it mean to draw near to God? Part 2

In part 1 we discussed the importance of prayer, and a new perspective on prayer, as a way to Draw near. We talked a lot about the lines of communication being open and how it affects our relationships if we have poor communication. Prayer is our way of talking to God. Be warned however, Do not use God as a vending machine. Always taking and never giving, always talking and never listening. If prayer is our line of communication to God then how does he communicate with us?

Bible Reading

Since we don't have the privilege of living in the time that Jesus walked the earth, or  hearing the audible voice of God it is essential to go to the book he has given us. The bible, God's way of communicating with us. This may seem like a daunting task to many. How do I know where to start? How much do I read? What if I don't understand what I am reading?

Here's where I may catch a little flack for what I am writing, this is completely my opinion, so take it or leave it.

I don't think I am a typical bible reader. Here's why... growing up as a preachers daughter I knew the importance of reading the bible, there was no question that it was essential but everyone had opinions on what you should read, how long you should read, and particularly what version you should read. Honestly, reading the bible for me was more of a "because it was an obligation" to read this much, in this amount of time, regardless of my understanding it or not. It wasn't actually until just recently that I really realized what I have known all along needed to be put into practice. Reading the bible is not just something to mark off your check list. There are no rules as to how much, where, or what version you should read. Most of my life Bible reading has been a regimented, guilt ridden, structured by someone else reading plan, that didn't at all apply to my life or grow my relationship with the Lord. For this reason I really tend to bristle up when someone tries to tell me what I should be reading or how I should be reading. There came a point just a few years ago that I decided "This is ridiculous. I am not getting any closer to God. I'm not hearing from him like I should be. This is not an open line of communication" All because I was trying to follow the Bible reading rules.

I would encourage you, if you are in this situation, LET GO OF THE RULES. God wants to talk to you, he wants to reveal his wonderful plan for you, he wants you to seek him and be interested in what he has to say.

Here's what I did to break the stigma that I had about bible reading...

1. Ditch the plans. If you are reading a plan out of obligation to a plan, then ditch it. When I read on a reading plan I was just reading to check off that days box. I wasn't getting anything AT ALL. I started paving my own course in the things that I needed to hear from God. It started on Blueletterbible.com,  they had a great search tool that I liked to use. I would search a word that I felt that day or needed to hear a passage or promise on. Comfort, fear, pride, patience, safety, confidence, etc... It would bring up tons of scripture references, easy to click on, change versions to read, etc. This for me revolutionized how I heard from God! It was something that I directly needed to hear that day, it applied to what was going on in my life, and I chose it!!! I loved it. It got to the point that I spent more time searching words and reading scripture than I did anything else. It was great! If you don't know where to start try something like this! If you absolutely NEED a plan to follow along with start by reading a Proverb a day. There are 31 of them so you will have 1 chapter to read each day! You can head over to thejourneybloomington.com and follow along with our churches reading plan; or search the Internet, Youversion has a lot of great reading plans geared toward specific subject matters.

2. Read a version you can understand! Yes, I know, there are hundreds of opinions on this and I am not going to debate it because God didn't call me to waist my time debating opinions; but for what it's worth, here's mine. If you don't understand what your reading, it isn't doing you ANY good at all!! My whole life I grew up reading KJV, memorized hundreds of memory verses in KJV, nothing wrong with KJV if you understand it but I have a hard time in some spots really understanding it. My grandfather, who was a grown man well into his 40's, maybe even 50's, before he learned how to read, learned to read the bible from the New Century Version. This was my first exposure to another version, as an 8 year old, I finally understood what some of those verses I had locked in my brain meant. It shed a new light on things. As I've grown and bought bibles of my own I have tried a few new versions over the years, ESV, NLT, NKJV, NIV, etc... I will say my favorite version to read from right now is the NLT. It is modern English, easy to read, and a good interpretation. Since I dropped the stigma of only reading one version I have learned so much more some of my friends are having a heart attack as they read this. In the age of technology the Internet is a wonderful tool. You can even compare some versions side by side on certain sites. Start online, reading different versions, and then when you find one you like purchase a bible in that version.

3. Make it a habit. It doesn't matter if it is one verse, one chapter, one minute. Start small and create a habit out of it. If you can do it at the same time each day it is easier to make it a habit, if not do it when you can. There are no rules. Just remember that good relationships have 2 way communication. If you go a day without hearing from your spouse you feel funny, it's weird, you don't like it. This is the way it should be with bible reading, you should long to hear from God each day.

This, along with prayer, will open your relationship with God and take it to whole new levels. As with prayer, let this be something your kids see is important to you. So what if it is not completely quiet when your trying to read, is it ever REALLY quiet with a house full of kids? Not only do your kids need to know that they can pray to God and ask for help, but they need to know where to turn when they need to hear from him. You are their life teacher, let them see you in the word. Share what you've learned with them. Commit scripture to memory so that when they are struggling with something you can share a verse with them whether you have a bible with you or not. Kids learn a lot from observing us, don't take that responsibility for granted!!

Make a commitment in 2014 to better your communication with God and really hear from him!! Draw Near!

What does it mean to Draw near to God? Part 1

As the new year approaches it is one of my main focuses to be intentional about my relationship with Christ. I don't just mean that "yes, I'm a christian and I love the Lord" kind of relationship. I am talking about an all out, no holding back, commitment to bettering my relationship with him. I can't count the number of times I have counseled others about a good relationship with the Lord. It like any other earthly relationship takes open communication, commitment, time, energy, and focus. It is not something that just happens because you say a pray and accept Christ as your Savior. Sure that means your relationship has started with him but in order for it to be a GOOD relationship you need to invest in it. How great would your friendships, marriages, and other relationships hold up if you didn't put any time and energy into them?

The Lord has continued to put this verse in my path the last few weeks. Being married to a preacher, when we spend long periods of time in the car we usually listen to sermon pod-casts by various pastors. It is something we both enjoy(the kids aren't thrilled, neither was I when I was a kid and my dad listened to sermons on long car rides) plus it sparks conversations and in my case blog thoughts. Funny how a lot of the sermons we listened to traveling from place to place for the holidays concentrated on prayer and asking God for things. Some were good, others seemed to portray our relationship with Christ like that of a consumer and a vending machine, he gives and we take.

 But what does it truly mean to draw near to God?

I am no theologian, and I wont claim to be; but I just wanted to share some of my thoughts on drawing near to God.

Prayer

Prayer is a key factor in relationship with God. Many view it as a chore, something that is hard to do, a burden... I would challenge you to look at prayer in a different light. Prayer is intimidating to some people, seasoned Christians or new Christians. However, most of them have been given an unreasonable idea of prayer. All prayer is is talking to God. Think about what your relationship with your spouse would be like if you NEVER talked?! Even worse... What if your spouse only talked to you when they needed something?  Seems absurd to even think about, yet many of us take that approach with God. We never talk to him and we never listen to him either, we'll get to that aspect in a moment. The only time we run to him in prayer is when our lives are falling apart and we have tried everything we can to fix it ourselves before we finally decide to go ask him for help. I don't know about you, but I have some of those people in my life. They only call when they need money, or they've hit rock bottom. If I miss a call from them I worry about them and their well being just knowing somethings gone wrong or else they wouldn't have called. That's no kind of a relationship to have with someone, is it??

Prayer doesn't have to be fancy, you don't have to use old English words that no one understands. God is relevant, he's not stuck back in the future somewhere only able to understand the language and redirect from that day. Contrary to what many old timey preachers may say, or what you've been taught. It's not like you have to learn a foreign language to talk to him. You don't have to shut yourself in a closet, fold your hands, bow your head, etc... Prayer is a continual act. As a matter of fact the bible tells us to "Pray without ceasing"Thes. 5:17. Do you really think it means stay in your closet all day and pray? NO It just means take time in all of your day and your activities to include talking with God. For me this means simply muttering, sometimes not even audibly, a thank you for the blessing you come across in you day... The smile of your toddler and sweet "I love you mommy" she has just uttered, the success of your emerging independent 5 year old, the very fact that your 6 year old is living breathing proof of God's miraculous healing power even if that very same stubbornness that caused him to fight for his own fragile life causes him to fight you tooth and nail on every issue, the honesty and development of your beautiful 8 year old clone whose learning to cook and clean and thinks mommy is the greatest woman alive. A plea for help and patience when you encounter your little cutie pie with a marker in hand and the Picasso painting she has drawn on your wall or herself, the cry or display of anger when your emerging independent 5 year old has encounter failure or a task that's too hard for his skill set, the stubbornness and determination of your 6 year old that you are sure will either kill you or cause you to kill him, the frailty of your emotional 8 year old as she encounters those in life who aren't as kind hearted and caring as she had imagined them to be. Other times for me this means I do need to get somewhere alone and quiet and pray for serious issue, this is usually when you will find me in the shower, crying and talking to God. As silly as this may sound... I pray every time I enter the highway that there will be no traffic coming and I wont have to merge into a mess of cars. Call it what you may but 99.9% of the time, there is no traffic!! God doesn't care where I am, what I am wearing, or what's going on around me, as long as I am including him in my day. He doesn't need me to pray to him, but he's asked me to, and it is a display of my love towards him.

Another of my favorite verses is found in Jeremiah 29. I love verses 11-13

 

¹¹ For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. ¹² Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.

 

I have always paid special attention to verse 11 but in this season of life the Lord has highlighted verse 13 in my heart.

 

 You will seek me and find me, WHEN YOU SEARCH FOR ME WITH ALL YOUR HEART.

 

This is what started the whole goal to concentrate on my relationship with him this coming year. I thought... Am I searching with my whole heart? Am I really drawing near?  Am I putting in all the time and effort that I put into my earthly relationships? Hmmmm. Seems like there is room for improvement. Just like in every other relationship, it is constant, if your not working on it your probably regressing. God's not hiding from us. Scripture tells us he is always near. He just wants a little effort on our part. He's tired of the lopsided relationship where he gives and we take.

 

I'll leave you tonight with this thought and then we will pick up on Part 2. tomorrow.

 

If you feel far from God, consider that it isn't him that moved, he is constant!!

 

So, in 2014, make communicating with God a consistent part of your everyday. Not just a ritual before meals and bedtime, but a meaningful conversation with the greatest friend!! Not only will this improve your walk with God but it will improve many aspect of your life as well.

 

Mommies and daddies... don't hide in your closets to pray. Make prayer an obvious part of your daily life, as an example to your kids. Sometime in life our kids need to know that we don't have all the answers, but we can point them to the one who does. Mommy and daddy may not always be there in times of fear and failure, misunderstanding, or triumph, but if they know they can talk to an ever constant God then they will never feel alone and they will always know where to turn. Be an example of his grace in their lives, start with teaching them they can always talk to him!!

 

 

Update on Baby P's health.

So... we have really good news. All of our genetic testing results are in and they all resulted in good news. No genetic abnormalities that can be detected. We are very thankful for this because it seemed by some things they found on our ultrasound that baby was going to have Down Syndrome.  There we 2 of the major markers in the ultrasound findings but the testing was negative. :)

While this is good news, and we are praising God for it, there is still a need to find out the cause of at least 1 of the abnormal ultrasound findings. The other could be explained by just a history of small children, which all of our kids have been small. Babies bowels did appear to be calcified(almost like bone) in the ultrasound which could be any number of things on it's own. We will be going back to the specialist to have another ultrasound at about 28 weeks. We are praying that, as with all the other concerns they have had, the Great Physician would put his healing touch on Baby P's bowels and when we have our next ultrasound all the calcification will not be there.

It feels great to finally breathe and breath of relief.

I am felling great. Not having any preterm issues so far, since these issues usually start about now I am taking it very easy and trying to restrict myself even more than the Dr. already has. I am so thankful for my wonderful husband! He has been such a help, he has rallied the kids and assigned them jobs to help me out, all while balancing work and the demands of planting a new church . He has a lot on his plate, so pray for him that The Lord will give him the strength to do it all. He truly is my rock and it makes me feel completely safe and confident when I know that he draws his strength from The Rock, the true power source!

Thank you all for your continued prayers. We know the value of a prayer team can not be compared to anything else!!

By His Grace,
Kelli

Baby Gender Reveal

So... We had our Ultrasound about 2 1/2 weeks ago and we decided that we would have the Dr put the results in an envelope to be revealed on Christmas Eve. We gave the envelope to my mom so she could prepare the reveal and waited... and waited... and waited. Lol. Really it wasn't that long but it seemed like forever.

Yesterday was the big day. We all gathered around the Christmas tree, mom handed me a remote and told me to push the button. Suddenly the entire tree was lit with blue lights! IT'S A BOY!!!! Kevin and I were both almost positive it was a boy but the kids were surprised. Leah's first reaction was tears, she really wanted another sister. The boys were of course rejoicing, and Abigail just thought the lights were pretty(she really has no clue). Since we already have 2 boys, 2 girls, we were just praying for a healthy baby.

 

 

In my last post I said we were waiting on some testing to come back sometime in the next few weeks. Since we had some abnormal ultrasound findings. 2 of the test have come back negative(which is good). One was for Cystic Fibrosis and the other for a viral infection that can cause some of the issues that were found in babies development through ultrasound. We are still waiting on some genetic testing for Down Syndrome to come back. Depending on those results we will decide what further testing needs to be done to determine what is causing the abnormalities.

 

 

Continue to pray for Baby P to be healthy. Mommy and daddy are both at peace and confident in the ability to care for a child with special needs if that is what the Lord would choose, we are both just relieved that the heart is normally developing and has no issues.

 

 

Now to name this little guy...

What do you do when knowing God is in control still doesn't ease the pain?

So... some of you have noticed and asked me about my quietness and lack of updating on the baby. It is, in fact, purposefully, but now it is time that I feel comfortable breaking the silence.

Baby P 20 weeks 3D

Profile 20 weeks

A little gymnast. Knees touching the nose and toes above the head.

We had our regularly scheduled ultrasound last week,Wednesday, December 11th. Everything was going as you would normally expect in an ultrasound. We had told the technician that I didn't want to know the gender of the baby and she could find out and put it in an envelope for our Christmas reveal. She was measuring away. I always mention Carson's Chiari when they get to the brain part, I want them to pay close attention to their measurements and be more conscious of any issues. She mentioned that there was some excess fluid around the head and she was going to talk to the Dr about it and see what he wanted to do, but we went on with the ultrasound to get the other measurements and all the cute pictures. Once we got to a certain point she was doing a lot of searching and trying to get the baby to move, she told us that she could not get a clear measurement and view of the heart and that we may have to come back for another ultrasound. She sealed an envelope with the gender and we went on about our day awaiting a call from the Dr to tell us when he would like us to come back for another scan.

The next morning the Dr called and said that he was worried about excess fluid and swelling around the babies heart, as well as the fluid around the head. This is when i got scared!! The fluid around the brain didn't overly worry me, I mean, we've been there, done that. I was confident we could deal with those kinds of issues again, although we would not choose to, we could if needed; but issues with the heart?? That's just a whole other basket of issues to deal with. It's scary, and could be life threatening. They wanted to send us up to the Fetal Maternal Medicine Specialist in Indy and have a more in depth ultrasound and assessment done. She told me she would call me back with an appointment.

I'll just be honest and tell you that at this point I had a total melt down. Minutes seemed like hours, and hours seemed like days as we waited for them to call with an appointment. Thankfully Kevin was home for the morning hours. We were pretty much just stunned and in shock. We both cope completely differently with stress and issues. I cry, he shut off. He was trying his hardest to comfort me and I knew that all he was saying was true but it was not helping at the time.

He must have said 100 times "God is in control." Each time, in midst of my slowly breaking heart, I would think "Would you shut up?" Then after about 100 times I finally said it out loud. It didn't come out that way exactly, I had had some time to think about how to put it more graciously each time it was said. I mustered up enough wherewithal to mutter a few words before the tears started streaming...

 "Don't you think I know God is in control? Wasn't God in control when we spent an entire year with Carson in the hospital? Wasn't God in control when it meant hours of testing, poking, prodding, NG tubes, aspirating, pneumonia, being told to tell your baby bye 3 times in a short year before they FINALLY figured out what was wrong with him?" (BLANK STARE) "I know God's in control" I said "but that doesn't mean it will just disappear and everything will be OK. Don't you remember how hard that was when we only had 1 other child, now we have 4, what are we going to do?"

I am so glad that came out on my husband and not on some other well meaning Christian who tried to tell me God was in control.

So what do you do when knowing God is in control still doesn't ease the pain??

I'm not sure what you would do but I will tell you what I did... I cried ALOT, I poured my heart out to God over and over again asking for comfort and peace, and I immersed myself in scripture. Each time I opened the word to a passage it was as if God was directly speaking to me. Lots of verses about worry and fear popped into my path. I put my favorite song "Be still my soul, In you I rest" by Kari Jobe on repeat throughout the day. Guess what??? Maybe I am not as spiritual as some of you but even though I was immersed and surrounded by the Lord I was still worried. Did I know he was in control? YES. Was it the magic cure all? NO. I struggled; and I want you to know that. Many times I think that we as Christians(especially Pastor's wives) put on this perfect face in every situation. We act like we are invincible but the truth is we are hurting like everyone else. The church is a place for sick, hurting, battered, dirty, stinking people; Not a museum to pretend and show how perfect our lives are. It's no wondering a world of hurting people can't relate to most Christians, they all think we are perfect and have no problems, they feel condemned not understood!!

Sometimes the struggle is REAL, and it's really hard. I will say I can't imagine getting through tragedy and things in life without my relationship with the Lord, because there is a certain hope that I have in him, but that doesn't mean life is a bed of roses.

So... They FINALLY called us with an appointment. The words that came out of her mouth "NEXT TUESDAY" seemed cruel and unimaginable. How could you wait 4 days without knowing? It was a long 4 days but I am very thankful that it was only 4 days. I know sometimes it can take weeks to get into a specialist. Those 4 days were filled with good and bad times. Lots of prayer; and lots of Silence. You all know that I don't literally mean silence completely, there are 4 kids in this house, but my life was seemingly silent. I was fearfully seeking the presence of the Lord during every waking moment. I prayed for sleep, peace, and I prayed that I would feel the baby move more than normal just for assurance(I know, that is specific and maybe weird but the baby did move a lot during those 4 days)

Today was the day. Kevin was so nervous he looked like he was going to faint. He couldn't sit still. I was just trying to hold back tears before we even get there. We prayed in the car before going in. Let me just say I am so thankful for the amazing man of God that I get to call my husband! He is a rock, even when it's hard and I am falling apart.

We go in and have a VERY long and in depth ultrasound. Lots of questions are asked about previous pregnancies, ect... Then the Dr. come in and does some looking around and measuring the baby as well. This literally seemed like an eternity and I really thought Kevin was going to puke before the Dr. finally started talking.

He said "Let me start by telling you that the concerns your Dr. had that caused him to send you here are not at all troublesome to me". Instant wieght lifted from my entire being and I could breathe easier!! He saw nothing wrong with the heart at all and said the fluid around the brain was within normal parameters. He then followed that with some news about some things that were concerning to him. These we are not yet sharing because there is no need to worry everyone until we know anything for sure, but he spent about 30 minutes explaining a lot of information to us about these things, some testing that we needed to do, a lot of statistics, and a plan of action. Then he let us ask questions and decide if we would accept his plan of action. We decided to go ahead with some more testing and met with a genetic counselor; as well as getting about a gallon of blood drawn. The chances of these things they are testing for is small, but things that we have an increased risk for, and some of the abnormalities on the ultrasound are common with them.Even while the possibility of some issues still wait in the unknown, I am so at peace. While I would not choose for our child to have ANY issues I feel much better about dealing with ANY issue other than the heart. I guess for me the heart is just the center of life and it was really scary to me. So while I am still a tad bit worried, I don't feel overly consumed.

We should have some preliminary test results back in a week and we will know where we need to go from there.

We would appreciate and request your continued prayer for this little baby! I had just gotten to a point in the pregnancy where I had determined to stop worrying and start enjoying and then all of this happened. I am still trying to seek what God is trying to teach me through all of this. I am still holding to the promise "His GRACE is sufficient for me, his strength is made perfect in my weakness"

Behold, the maidservant of the Lord!!

As the Christmas season approaches and the story of the birth of Christ is on our minds there are many things that we can take from a well known story. Sometimes we concentrate only on certain parts of the story and completely skip over others. This year as the Birthday of Christ arrives I encourage you to read Luke's account of the birth with eye wide open. Seeking to learn something new. This happened to me this week while working in the kids ministry at our church. The lesson was being given and it was a well known part of the story, but one phrase was said and it sent my mind whirling, 100 miles an hour.

Luke gives the most detailed account of the events that lead up to the birth of Christ as well as the event itself. In this passage Luke 1:26-38 the birth of Jesus is foretold to a very important piece of the puzzle. There are several things that have jumped out to me since reading the account thoroughly but the one I want to concentrate on MOST is the response of Mary.

²⁶ In the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent from God to a city of Galilee named Nazareth, ²⁷ to a virgin betrothed^[a] to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David. And the virgin's name was Mary. ²⁸ And he came to her and said, “Greetings, O favored one, the Lord is with you!”^{[b] 29} But she was greatly troubled at the saying, and tried to discern what sort of greeting this might be. ³⁰ And the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. ³¹ And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus. ³² He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. And the Lord God will give to him the throne of his father David, ³³ and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end.”

³⁴ And Mary said to the angel, “How will this be, since I am a virgin?”<sup>[c]

35</sup> And the angel answered her, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born^[d] will be called holy—the Son of God. ³⁶ And behold, your relative Elizabeth in her old age has also conceived a son, and this is the sixth month with her who was called barren. ³⁷ For nothing will be impossible with God.” ³⁸ And Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant^[e] of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” And the angel departed from her.

Now we all see Mary's initial surprise. I'm pretty sure if an angel appeared to us, we would be surprised at first too!! Then the angel says to her "Do not be afraid, you have found favor with the Lord" WOW!! Mary's parents must have done some serious training, or somewhere along the way she had an amazing Christian role model in her life. To find high favor in the Lord's site she must have been an outstanding woman. Then the angel tells her of the Lord's plan for her(don't we all wish it was that clear) and she has an honest question. "How can this be?" It was not a ridiculous question, after all she was a virgin. She was genuinely confused. She wasn't questioning God's plan, she was just asking for clarification. So the angel gives her clarification and tells her of another miracle that is under way, her cousin Elizabeth, in her old age has conceived. All of these things are things that we often concentrate on when telling the story but what I want to concentrate on is the final response that Mary has.

³⁸ And Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant^[e] of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” And the angel departed from her.

Absolute surrender, total trust and confidence,let it be. You know sometimes we skim over that as if it was no big deal. We know that it was the Lord's will to use Mary in this manner and sometimes I think we take for granted that she had the absolute perfect response!! WHAT IF SHE HAD SAID NO?? That was an option. Because we look back on it as history we see it as set in stone, final, the only way. However, we should realize that Mary could have said "No Way!! You are crazy, find someone else." I am sure that the Lord knew she had a heart for his will and would have the proper response but that doesn't change the fact that she was human and she could have said no.

Many time in life, when we find the will of God for our lives we don't have the proper response. We question God. We flat out tell him no. We worry what others will think. We try to think out all the scenario's in our mind and figure it out ourselves. We try to play god in our own lives and we deny the power and grace of God over our lives because we fail to just take him at his word and do as he says.

Here's the phrase that hit me this week...

You never know if what God is asking you to do will change the whole world.

Wow! That made me think(I'm not sure any of the kids got it but I sure did). I thought, geez, I could be giving birth to the next great missionary, Jim Elliot, Billy Graham, Corrie Ten Boom. Here I am complaining and questioning God's plan, because it wasn't what I had pre-determined in my heart, when he has a plan for this child!! Of course, it wasn't as clearly presented as the angel Gabriel coming down and telling me I was birthing the Messiah, but in that moment it seemed like I had seen an angel. Even if this child grows in the Lord and only reaches 1 soul for the Lord he will have served a purpose in the kingdom. Someone 20 years from now may be waiting, hurting, searching, and this child may be the smiling face that encourages them and leads them to the Lord. :) Brings tears to my eye's just thinking about it.

Daily, it seems, that we as Christians totally ignore the will of the Lord that has been made perfectly clear to us because it makes us uncomfortable(The Great Commission) and then wonder why he isn't revealing anything great to us. Mary was highly favored, this leads me to assume that she was daily walking in the will and promises of the Lord. The Lord didn't choose her for such a great task randomly, he knew clearly that she was a follower of him. Don't expect God to reveal something great to you, if you wont deny yourself daily, take up your cross and follow him. The blessing that we are missing out on because we wont simply obey. OUCH!!

As I have pondered these things I have prayed to the Lord "help me to have the heart and response of Mary. Anytime you as anything of me,  give me the GRACE that my response would be that of absolute surrender, total trust, and peace. Let it be! Behold, the maidservant of the Lord!"

Week 17 update

Had my regularly scheduled appointment today at 17 weeks, 3 days. I would have had to make an appointment even if I had not had one scheduled because I have been having some contractions and cramping the last week or so. I had been holding off calling the Dr. because I knew I would be there this week anyways.

I have finally gain 3 pounds so he was happy about that(I'm pretty sure my date with the tub of Hershey Smore's Icing a few days ago had somethign to do with that). I feel like all I have done all week is eat. I wake up hungry, I go to bed hungry, I eat all day long. Hey, he told me I needed to gain a little more weight so what's the harm. It's mostly fruit and healthy snacks anyways, except the icing incident!

Baby was once again so wiggly that it took forever to find a heartbeat and even when she did find one the baby quickly shifted and she had to search again so we have no exact count but it sounded good and healthy. :)

When I explained that I had been having some contractions but that I wasn't overly concerned because when I sat down they would go away after a while. She agreed that she wasn't overly concerned but that with my history it would be smart to take it as easy as possible she increased the restrictions a little bit. Gave my a weight restriction, told me not to carry laundry baskets or children up the stairs, limit the trips up the stairs to only necessary trips, and increase the ungodly amount of water I am already drinking by 20 ounces. There was a little indication that I may have a UTI and she was sending a sample for that hoping that the contractions are just being caused by bladder irritability. She gave me the spcheel about preterm labor and told me to use my best judgement because they wont hesitate to put me on hospital bedrest which is something we definitly DO NOT want. It would be very hard for the kids to cope with a long hospital stay and Kevin is currently working 2 jobs not including church work so that would make things pretty difficult on him.

So, as a warning... If you plan on beign at my house between now and the month of may expect it to be messy. It will drive me insane but a healthy baby is important and we have to keep this little one cooking as long as possible.

We scheduled the ultrasound for next Wednesday, which is a little earlier than I expected. We plan on having them put the gender in an envelope and have mom and dad make up a special box for us to open as a family on Christmas Eve. So it will be almost 2 weeks after the ultrasound before we actually know if it is a boy or a girl. I thought waiting a few days would be hard :/ I can't wait to know the gender so we can nail down names and get a few of the things we need(since we thought we were done after Abigail we got rid of everything).

Prayerfully things will remain quiet and we wont have any issues to report at or before my next appointment on New year's eve. Thanks as always for your prayers!

Kelli