Preparing your children for the death of a loved one. The line between honesty and too much information

Sadly, my grandpa's wife, Miss Juanita; the woman who has filled the position of grandma for us, since the passing of our grandmother when I was 8, is very near to death. This is the first family member to pass since our children have been old enough to really know or understand what is going on. As we were on our way to the hospital today, we explained to them that Miss Juanita was very sick and that she would be going to heaven to see Jesus soon. So we told them we were going to the hospital to support Papaw B and say goodbye to Miss Juanita. They each said ok and didnt say much else about it all the way there. They went on talking amongst themselves and playing with their toys.
Once at the hospital, we visited with family, they watched cartoons in the waiting room, and then we took them back to tell everyone bye and give Papaw B hugs. At first we weren't going to take them back, but they were asking and asking to see her. I kept telling them she was sleeping and she needed to rest, but began to doubt my mothering choices.
 (Incident #1 of asking myself the questions... Are my children old enough to experiance this? Should I try to make this a rosey situation for them or give them the details and let them learn how real death is? How much detail is too much detail?)
They seemed to handle seing her very well. She looked to be very peacefully sleeping, they looked on from a distance and said bye to my grandpa after a brief minute, but did not want to hug Miss Juanita(which was fine). As we left, Leah and Carson were very quite, and Ethan said nothing at all. Once we got into the car and got everyone settled Leah broke the silence with her question "Was she already in heaven mommy?" I answered her by telling her she was just sleeping right now(truth) She was ok with that answer and said "ok" Ethan by then almost in tear just starts rattling off the questions
(Incident #2 of asking myself the questions... Are my children old enough to experiance this? Should I try to make this a rosey situation for them or give them the details and let them learn how real death is? How much detail is too much detail?).
 He was just spilling them out... How do you die? Will it hurt when she dies?  So I am trying to answer his questions honestly without scaring him to death, or giving him too much detail. I tell him that for Miss Juanita it wont hurt too bad, she is just sleeping now and then she will go up to heaven. Then he asks "How does she know when it's time to die?" So I told him that because she loved Jesus and she was going to heaven, that Jesus would come to her while she was sleeping and tell her that it was time to come to heaven and she would just stop breathing and go up to heaven(this was my best attempt at giving truth and deatil in what I thought was appropriate doses) He was very quiet for a while after this....
(Incident #3 of asking myself the questions... Are my children old enough to experiance this? Should I try to make this a rosey situation for them or give them the details and let them learn how real death is? How much detail is too much detail?)
Kevin asks Leah if her bicycle is working better since he fixed the tire, kinda trying to change the subject and She says "yes"and then says "I wonder if there will be bikes in heaven, I would like to ride my bike with Jesus" This was follwed by a discussion about how wonderful heaven would be and then everyone went back to talking and playing with their own things. Much to my relief.
Ethan has asked a few questions since we have been home this evening, but they havent really mentioned it all that much. I know the next few days will be filled with grief and joy for all who are involved and I want to properly prepare the kids for what they may experiance, while mainainting their innocence but also respecting their need to grieve and ask questions.
 So here I sit... asking myself... Are my children old enough to experiance this? Should I try to make this a rosey situation for them or give them the details and let them learn how real death is? How much detail is too much detail?
Here's the honest truth. I have no clue what the right answer is. One second I feel like allowing them to experiance all things honestly is a great thing, the next second I feel like I am giving to much detail and a simple yes or no would have sufficed. I've tried to remeber back to when I was 8 and my grandmother passed and how my parents handled it, but that was a totaly different scenario(she passed unexpectidly) and I was a little older.
 I am forever thankful that it is made a little easier because we can rejoice and assure them that she is going to heaven to be with Jesus, her glourious Lord and Savior, and there will be no more pain, and no more tears. I hope and pray that even through tradgedy they can see the reality of God's love and care for his children and that it may bring them one step closer to knowing him as their Savior.
Yet, I still find myself asking "What is the line between honesty and too much information?" "How can I best prepare my children for the grieving process that is to come in the next few days?"
God gently reminds me, as I sit here typing, worrying, wonder... My Grace Is Enough.
 The responsibility of parenting can be overwhelming at times. We all want to shape and mould our children into what we think is best. We want to maintain every environment and annalize every scenario to feel like we have considered the best options and followed through with them. However, most of the time, at least for me, this is when God is patiently waiting for you to step aside and let him work. Use wisdom in each decision that you make, but don't over analize and try to control everything so much that you, and your children, miss what God is trying to teach you through it all.
So in the end... I still dont know the answer, but I am just going to pray that I will have the wisdom to answer questions appropriatly and be there to talk when and if they are ready and pray that God will take care of the rest. Pray for us over the next few days.

Real faith begins, where myself ends!



Wow, June was quite a month! We left our house on May 31st and returned on July 1st, only stopping into the house for a nights sleep in between those dates. I am very excited to see next months utility bills, they should amount to almost nothing. Hooray! Although, amazingly, a clean house can get dirty, all by itself, when you are gone that long. I have no idea how(well...I'll share with you a few reasons later). We really had a lot of fun while we were gone. We met lots of new friends, did many fun activities, and got to see and do things that we wouldn't normally get to see or do outside of these circumstances. Although if we are being honest, it wasn't all giggles and grins. There were a few times I thought "We've lost our minds. What in the world were we thinking?" There were a lot of "Are we there yet's" and just about as many "enjoy the ride's". All in all, it was probably just about one of the best experiences we have had as a family. We have never been on vacation so I guess this could qualify as a vaca with a little(or a lot) of work mixed in!

 You know when you go on vacation you try to prepare your house right? You eat all the food that will spoil. You turn off any unnecessary electronics and other energy eaters. The checklist goes on and on. Well then you come home... your tired, hungry, and have a mountain of laundry about the size of your house to complete, yet you have no food, and no laundry soap(well, at least I didn't). I thought... "Man, I thought I had this well planned out. I should have had someone here set up to greet us with the necessities(toilet paper, milk, bread, LAUNDRY SOAP)"  Well, a girl can dream right?

There are a few other things that went wrong with my "perfect prep" for our house sitting empty for a month. So, I thought I would make a "Top 5" list of things that our travels taught us. If for nothing other than making you laugh!!

1. Check and double check that all toilets are flushed before you leave!! Trust me, after being gone that long, in a house with the a/c turned off, that's a nasty thing to come home to! I thought I had checked all of them but someone had obviously gone upstairs after my final re-check and used the bathroom. I thought someone had died in our house while we were gone!

2. Arrange for the neighbors to somehow get your trash out on trash day. Month old dirty diaper smell in your garage is not coming out anytime soon.


3. Take DVD's that will entertain your kids but not drive you up the wall while you are driving!! I can only listen to certain veggie tale songs so many times before I want to use an ice pick on my ear drum.

4. WE HAVE WAY TOO MUCH STUFF!!!! If my kids can live for a month in the same 10 outifts, and with only a backpack full of toys we need to get rid of some stuff. That exactly what I did when we got home. I went through closets and toys and picked out things that didn't fit anymore or just never get worn or played with or are broken.I do this on a monthly basis with clothes and toys anyways but this time I was really picky. When I was done we had a pile of toys for nana's new house, a bigger pile of toys for the goodwill store, and a bunch of clothes to donate. I feel much better now, but we still have way more than we need. This was a great way to have an eye opening conversation about people who are less fortunate than us and may not have as many nice things as we have. We should be grateful for all the Lord has given us!

5. You need at least a few days to recover your house when you get home. We came home Monday. We have been working non-stop since arriving home to get everything ready for our first preview service this Sunday for The Journey Baptist Church!!! As well as, taking a break in the evening for same patriotic family fun. Enjoying the holiday and the price that was paid so that we could live in this great country! Needless to say, I should have hired a maid. This house is a wreck and it is just getting worse and worse. This is not good for an OCD person AT ALL!! I just keep looking around me wanting to freak out and then I have to tell myself, PRIORITIZE. There is so much to be done. I will be happy to have things settle down next week so we can et our feet under us again!

There are so many more things that could be listed but I will spare you.

However, what I take most from our month of travels, are the many blessings and privileges that we experiences along the way. God taught us to truly rely on him. When we were taking each step into darkness, not knowing what was next, or how he would provide, he would gently whisper, TRUST ME. Our real faith was found when we were at the end of all that we could do, and we watched God provide time and time again. Not only for our needs, but for most of our wants as well. Just another reminder that God is so gracious to me, even when I don't deserve it, when I'm doubting myself, and when I have come to my end... That's when he can use me most!

Mommy is a hypocrite.

It's a humbling experience when your kids get old enough to recognize your sin and point it out. OUCH. Glad they recognize sin for what it is, it's just one step closer to their need for a savior but man I feel like a huge hypocrite. 

Another revelation of how much I need God's grace. 

The strength in being a "not so independent" woman.

Woman's rights and gender equality.

What comes to your mind when I say these things?

 A strong,independent woman who doesn't need a mans help?

Most of us think this way, partially because of the way media and other sources have portrayed these things to us.

Don't get me wrong, I am all for equality amongst ALL people. No matter your gender, race, age group, or any other label that society has created. After all, in Gods eyes, we are all equal.

 However, I want you to know something.

While society has put such an emphasis on how strong an independent woman is, they have either knowingly or unknowingly, put into the mind of a generation of young girls and women that if you have to depend in anyone you are weak.

This past weak I spent a few days away from my husband. We have been traveling as we work to plant a church in Bloomington, Indiana. He had some meetings in Texas to attend and our youngest was having surgery. We have been in Arkansas for most of the month but I traveled 11 hours back home with our 4 kids and he traveled to Texas. In this process, I missed my husband so much. It was only 4 days, and we were both so busy during those days that it went by fairly quickly, but I still missed him.

 He's my team mate, my best friend, my right hand man.

Now society says "Don't reveal your weakness. You are independent. You drove 11 hours alone with 4 kids."

What I want you to know is...

 dependence and weakness are not partners,

neither independence and strength are partners. Each person is different.

All I can tell you about is Gods calling on my life. Could I do what I do without the help of my husband? If I had to yes, I could probably do most of the things set in front of me. I am very mechanically inclined woman, I am a strong personality type. The fact that I am able to does not ever mean that this is what I would choose. I am miserable after about 2 nights. Not because I don't have the ability to perform everyday tasks but because I miss the sharing of responsibilities.

 How cute it is when he tucks the kids in.

How I can tap out when I am tired or frustrated and I know he's got my back.

 I want our kids to know that mommy and daddy depend on each other, work together, and are genuinely better together.God has called me into a partnership, a support role, a team effort.

It doesn't bother me that the bible has told my husband to treat me as the weaker vessel(this is where most woman freak out). It's not saying that I am weak and insignificant. Actually, on the contrary, it is saying that I am priceless and to be cherished like fine china. Being cherished sounds like a good deal to me!!

When both of us keep a Godly perspective on what our partnership is supposed to be, it is a wonderful, co-dependent team, that is working together for the glory of God. It's a beautiful thing

Now I understand, that for some of you, life circumstances have thrown you a curve, and you are a strong and independent woman. Society does a great job of telling you how great you are doing. And I commend you. There is no way I could do it alone. So don't feel that I am diminishing you in any way. I just want the young woman and girls in my life to know...

That a strong dependence on God, until the time that he gives you a husband to depend on, DOES NOT make you weak.

I am so blessed to be co-dependent with my wonderful husband. Areas that I am weak, he is strong; and areas that he is weak, I am strong. God has matched us perfectly for each other. As long as we keep our eyes on him and do as he commands, we are the strongest team possible. I depend on him, and he depends on me, but we both depend on God.

I don't tell my husband near enough how much I need him, how proud of him I am, and how much value he brings to my life, and my walk with God. I am blessed to have a great man! If you are blessed in this same way, take a minute today to thank God for giving you that relationship and tell your husband what he means to you.

Some of my friends, I want you to know, that if your feeling all alone, and that you can't go on because of circumstances in life, and the place you are in the journey that your on... Jesus want you to depend on him. He is always there, and he will always care. He is dependable, more dependable than any person can ever be. He loves you and he wants to be your source of strength. If you would like to know more about this visit thejourneybloomington.com or contact us for more information. Our contact information can be found on the site.