So... just when you think you've got this parenting thing figured out, life throws you a curve ball. i.e. you have another child and they are the exact opposite of your first child. Parenting multiple children can often become a juggling act. Trying to accommodate their different needs and wants, personalities, what disciple techniques are affective/ noneffective, emotions, well you get the point. Then for us throw a very sick child into the mix, a few hundred days in the hospital, a few thousand test, a brain surgery, learning delays, therapies,ect, and then you really really have a juggling act on your hands. Only 2 people out of their ever loving minds would decide to continue having children and not just one of them but 3 and counting and trust that the Lord will bless us with the amount of children that we can adequately juggle :) Those 2 people would be us!
A lot of experts would love for you to believe that parenting is a one size fits all, one stop shop. Meaning if you just apply the right techniques with each of your children they will turn out to be "normal" people although I am really not sure what a good definition of NORMAL would be. I admit, when I was younger I often took this approach to parenting, honestly sometime I still find myself wondering why certain techniques are not working. Then I realize that I am falling into that trap of believing that all children are robots and when programed correctly will live exactly how I want them to.
Praise the Lord that we are all fearfully and wonderfully made, uniquely designed for his specific purpose, to fulfill his special will for our lives. Each of my precious children were formed in the womb to be their own. They are in different places physically, mentally, emotionally, and most of all spiritually.
I recently found myself at one of these crossroads. Where I was trying to use the same techniques for all the children, convincing myself that all of them should be parented in the same manner. That if they weren't in the same place social then one of them needed to adjust, suck it up, toughen up...
I had also fallen into the trap of believing that the child,or adult much like myself, who doesn't deal well with social situations and constantly worries about what others think has an issue that they just need to work through. After MANY and I do mean MANY hours of prayer, tears, lost sleep, ect. The Lord told me "Kelli, think back to your childhood, when you struggled with these very same things, and happen to be the same personality type. What would you have like to be done? What did your parents do? How did you feel? What made you feel safe, secure, and well listened to?"
I knew the answer all along. It was right in front of me. It was the story of my life literally replaying itself in front of me. Yet, because I, still as an adult, struggle with needing the approval of others I thought maybe a different approach was needed. Then, again the Lord knocked me on the head and said "Hello, I created you that way. To be sensitive to the thoughts and emotions of others. This is often a great tool that you use to minister to people that no one has has slowed down and observed well enough to see their internal hurt in their eyes. This is not always a bad thing. You don't need to be toughened up. I made you perfectly who you are. Even if that means you are an extremely emotional person. Those emotions when displayed in pure worship or outcry to me as your Heavenly Father are just the emotions I created you for."
Sin has twisted and corrupted even those things that God has created us with, to make us feel weak, unstable, ect... but when we listen to The Lord's purpose for hand crafting us in that fashion it is SUCH a different story.
He opened my eyes to the fact that I was trying to put all of my kids into this socially acceptable box when I shouldn't be concerned about what anyone thinks but him.
Even when this means that parenting 2 children in drastically different ways??
YES.
This is stemming from a roller coaster ride that we call educating our kids. We've home schooled, we've done public school, we haven't yet been able to afford Christian school, and in each of these environments some of our children have thrived and some of them have withered. Here I was trying to convince myself that what was done for 1 must be done for all. Meaning if we home schooled one, we home schooled all. If one went to public school they all did. Yet I failed to realize I can't do this. Leah, socially sensitive, like her mama, thrives in the one on one educational arena of homeschooling. Carson, who requires therapies and services that are best suited to him through the school and who is an extrovert like daddy thrives in the public school arena. So we tried to home school both, epic failure in Carson's department. So we decided to put them in public school, epic fail in Leah's department. It is obvious that trying to force one or the other into an environment that they don't thrive in will not mold them into a stronger person. In fact, it breaks them down, ruins their self confidence and steals their joy.
So while this post isn't meant to become a debate about home school vs public school, I am coming to the conclusion that each of my children is different and sometimes different means that you have to parent differently. Yes, homeschooling one, and sending one to school, while entertaining a preschooler, and energetic toddler is going to be one more ball for this pregnant mama to juggle. I'll juggle a million balls to do what's best for these kiddos, each individually!
I'm really glad that The Lord hasn't just thrown his hands up and said "Well, if you wont all listen to the same calling then I'm just done trying" No! He hears each of our prayers, each of our sufferings and worries and he answers them individually and with a specific purpose! That's why his grace is perfect, and why I'm striving to seek his grace in each parenting lesson he is teaching me!!
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