Our daughter, Leah, has 2 different colored eyes, a wonderful trait that we have always trained her to be proud and excited about. Letting her know that God made her special and unique for a wonderful purpose. I, as a mother have always worried that kids would make fun of her for it at some point in her life. We talked as parents, when she was very young, about being VERY committed to teaching her to embrace how she was created and know that it is wonderful. Therefor the thought of a colored contact or any other way to cover up this trait just is not an option for us. We wanted to be on the same page before the issue even arose.
Like most girls, and even more genetically like the Bourland side of her family, she is a very sensitive, compassionate young lady. Will cry sympathetically for a friend whose hurting, at an emotional tv situation, ect... I tell you she gets it honest, I am a crier, my dad is a crier, his dad is a crier, she comes from a long line of criers!!!
So a few weeks ago, my fears about this subject came true. She came home from school upset that some kids on the playground had called her Frankenstein and said mean things about her eyes being different. We have always taught our kids when they are being bullied by others to show compassion and forgiveness. Explaining that their parents might not be very nice people, or may not teach them what is nice and not nice, or maybe they are dealing with a really tough situation and they were being mean because of that. While it does not excuse the behavior, we should still forgive them and pray for them. So that is the discussion we had that day, followed by instruction to go get a teacher if it happened again...
So today, I go to pick up Leah from school. I am met by a teary eyed baby girl and an equally as emotional teacher. Her teacher begins to explain what happened, that Leah was holding the door for other children to come in from recess, the line was stopped for some reason and a girl from another class calls out to her friends "Look at this FREAK she has 2 different color eyes" Leah is of course crying by now, teacher is about to, and so am I. As if that's not bad enough I expected her to say this was like a 4th or 5th grader but no... this came from the mouth of a 1st grader!! I don't know whether to be mad or feel sorry for them? Not even that they noticed her eyes and had a little laugh but that they called her a freak. My poor baby girl.
My immediate reaction is, how are we going to deal with this. 2 times in a few weeks, 2 different children have caused an issue about this. I think about the contact discussion we had 6 years ago, I think of Christian School(no guarantee it wont happen there either)l, and homeschooling(which she wants really badly and I am a total advocate for) and then I think of how we've taught her to embrace it. My mommy heart say protect, my mommy brain says teach, my inner sinner says be angry. OHH MYY so many emotions and thought right now. My husband is out of town. I sent him a brief message concerning the issue(as he was still in meetings) he responds immediately with "How much would it cost to homeschool her" probably because he knows that's what we both want anyways(and his daddy heart jumped to protect just like mine did) To which I want to write the check tomorrow, but then have to take into consideration the other children and their needs.
Our son Carson needs some therapies and is a social person, he thrives in the school scenario and not so much when we homeschooled. Do we do things separately? Him in school and her homeschooled? We have Ethan who will start Kindy next fall and is excited to go to school like his siblings, do we consider Christian school for the boys and homeschooling for Leah(at this point our budget would never allow for that, trust me I am doing research and cutting every possible penny I can to constantly try to make that a reality)
Finally when I feel completely overwhelmed the lyrics to one of my favorite songs pops into my mind...
BE STILL MY SOUL, THE LORD IS BY YOUR SIDE... I try to calm my mind and pray to the Lord. I reason with him about public school and how he knows I hate the thought and have struggled with it since we moved here, I reason with him about our budget and Christian school, or homeschooling, I talk with him about his command to guard my children's hearts and how I so desire to just do that perfectly, but I'm not perfect... I'm not being very still even in my prayers. So I stop and ask for wisdom and just wait to hear from him...
Being a parent is hard work, being a Godly parent is even harder... wisdom is essential.
Until I hear that still small voice I remember these verses from Psalm "I lift my eye's until the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of Heaven and earth." The Lord knows my every desire, and as far as this subject goes, they haven't' changed lately. I need to be still, and lift my eyes to him, he is the source of my strength.
Waiting for answers is NOT easy, but it's just another way that being a mommy has taught me to rely fully on God's grace.
No comments:
Post a Comment