What's in a name? I AM

So this week I have had a very hard time picking a Name of God. I kept coming back to I AM.  One of his attributes has stuck out to me in every aspect of daily life and I thought... The I AM totally encompasses every attribute of God. Whatever you need me to be, I AM!!

It has been a week of feeling weak, tired, hopeless, and not productive.  I am pretty prideful(I am working on that) and I hate to ask for help. This is probably why the Lord has put me on bed rest 5 times, so that I would have to ask for help! It makes me feel useless and uncomfortable. I don't like other people doing a job that I am supposed to be doing and seeing my house a mess, it's humbling.

In all of this a we have been reading through the Psalms there is a resounding theme. The Lord is my Strength. I am not exactly sure how many times it is said in the Psalms but it is A LOT and we aren't even half way in.

What an encouragement?! The Lord is my strength, when I am weak he is strong. His strength is made perfect in my weakness. In fact he is more glorified in his strength when I admit my weakness and rely fully on him!

In a world that tells us weakness is a bad thing, there is something wrong with you if you are vulnerable and need to ask anything of anyone. The Lord is sending us quiet the opposite message.

He's saying "Be weak, let me be your strength and shield. I want to be your stronghold!"

So this week I am saying it... I am weak and I need The Lord to be my Strength! Each and every time I feel insufficient and hopeless I will acknowledge it fr what it truly is. The truth. I am nothing without him, and I need his grace and strength to get me through each day.

Learning to rely on The Great I AM for everything I need!

Mommy Guilt

The dreaded mommy guilt. It rears it's ugly head in so many different scenarios but this particular strain has got me down.

I am now on strict bed rest, sitting, feet up, not supposed to be on my feet unless going to the bathroom, even sitting in the shower, no lifting, no bending... you get the picture.

 Any of you who have been there know exactly what I am talking about. It is fun for about a day, then it goes old real fast. NEVER thought I would say this but, you can only pintrest so much before it's boring. LOL!! Let me also just say that with 4 kids and a hard working husband this is nearly impossible, or at last it seems that way in my mind.

 I am thankful for my husband who already has a full plate but is willing to help as soon as he walks in the door. All the messes from the day that I normally clean up in the 30 minutes before he gets home are left laying, lunch dishes are still in the sink, the laundry needs switched over... you get the idea. All these things, I am sure, frustrate him after a long day at work; I try to keep it all clean and picked up right before he gets home so that instead of feeling tense when he gets home he'll feel relieved and comforted. That is our job as homemakers right? To make home an oasis for our man. Well his oasis has turned into a mirage! It draws him in and then disappears. Yet he doesn't complain, he just comes straight in and gets to work.

GUILT ALERT #1

I hate not being able to keep things neat and orderly for him, and I hate that he has to do my job too.


Then there are the kids, who have been a wonderful help, doing the little jobs they can and teaching me that I need to give them more responsibility(but that's a whole other blog topic I am working on). The older 2 are at school during the day so it isn't near as hard on them, but the younger 2 are starting to feel the affects. Mommy, who is normally at their beck and call, playing in the floor with them, fixing the computer so he can play PBS kids, getting snacks and drinks, etc... is now not able to do all those things(or a least not as often, because really who could get through life without those things?) Our 5 year old is getting grumpy when I tel him he'll have to wait until he next time I have to get up to go potty since mommy cant get up and down as much. Our 2 year old is just plain confused and emotional. They haven't  seen anything outside these 4 walls in over a week and they are just as sick of it as I am.

GUILT ALERT #2

This is the one I find hard to handle. My wonderful hubby can understand that this is only temporary and is in the best interest of little Micah's health. Our kids, especially the younger ones, find this harder to understand. I struggle with what to tell them. I want to tell them that mommy has to take it easy because baby Micah needs to be healthy when he's born and we want that to be as long as it can be, but then I fear breading a resentment that they may have for him before he's even born. They pray for him to be healthy and stay in mommies belly as long as possible and  don't think there is any hard feelings toward me or the baby yet but a mommy's heart worries about these things. It's probably something that can't really be comprehended by our 2 year old, and isn't as hard on the older kids because they are interacting in other ways but it is our 5 year old I worry about.

I fell guilty for being pregnant again, knowing that this is a common theme for us. Then I feel guilty for felling guilty about being pregnant because every child is a blessing from the Lord and we already  love little Micah more than he can ever imagine. Every once in a while I just say forget it and get up to spend some time with the kids and then I feel guilty when I start having contractions! I'm juggling all these emotions, in an already highly emotional state! AGHHH!!!

All I can do is pray and ask the Lord to give me peace and to let that peace overflow into the heart of our children and then go to the shower(my mommy timeout) and cry it out when I feel overwhelmed.

My husband said to me last night... I really wish you were enjoying this pregnancy(because normally I love pregnancy). As much as I want to enjoy it, especially because I am praying it is my last, this guilt has gotten to me. Even after much prayer and giving it to the Lord. I know all the right answers... Give it to God. Don't let Satan have this kind of power over you. Just don't think about it. All well meaning and said by those who care but a whole lot easier said than done!

I am extremely thankful to my hubby, kids, and my parents for all the help and support they provide; and for the hundreds of ministry partners and churches that I know pray for us. I am trying to let go of the guilt and enjoy but every once in a while it just helps to get it off your chest!

Mommy guilt may look totally different for you, but I just want you to know that you are not alone. When mommy guilt rears it's ugly face, pray a little harder to be covered in his GRACE!

Kelli

Jehovah- Raah, The Lord, My shepherd.

What's in a name??

Jehovah Raah- The Lord my Shepherd

 

So this week in our church's reading plan we came across John 10. Jesus was teaching on The Good Shepard. This is always one of my favorite views of who God is.

 

There are so many thing about shepherds that are not relevant in our culture today but if you do a little digging you will see that a shepherd was absolutely 100% committed to the safety and well being of his sheep.

 "A Shepherd's look at Psalm 23" is a book that will drastically change your perspective on shepard's and sheep.

 

There are many things that can be pointed out about a shepherd and his care for his sheep. I wont take the time to list them all because I could talk about it for a long time but I encourage you to study this out on your own.

 

I will, however, take the time to share with you one of my favorite perspectives of a Shepherd and his sheep. This view on a shepard revolutionized the way I saw many thing in life. It is a wonderful picture of God's perfect love for his children.

 

If a sheep wanders from the fold the shepherd will always go looking for it. This in and of itself is a wonderful display of a shepherds love and commitment to his sheep.

 However what they don't tell you in Sunday School is that when he finds it, he will take his staff and break the sheep's leg! 

There are so many things that I gather from this very act.

 

1. There are always consequences for wandering

 

2. The Lord in his goodness will always come looking for us.

 

3. Sometimes being taught a lesson is painful

 

 

 If the story stopped here then it would indeed seem like the shepherd was cruel and was not looking out for the best interest of the sheep. After all, a sheep who can not walk seems like easy picking for the wolves right? The story doesn't end there. The shepherd in his love for the sheep has to do something to get it's attention or it will just continue to wander farther and further and wind up being devoured by the wolves. Yet the shepherd doesn't say "you are a worthless animal, you do not stay where you are told, you wander constantly, you deserve to be eaten by the wolves"and then leave the sheep there to be eaten. Yes, he breaks the sheep's leg so it can not wander but then he binds the leg and carries the sheep on his shoulders until the leg has healed; to protect him from harm and to teach him to stay near the shepherd.

 

So many times in life, when something bad happens we are quick to blame Satan, or wonder why God is not near. Have you ever stopped to think that maybe the trial you are facing is in fact the Lord breaking you so that he can teach you to cling to him and stay close to his voice?

 

In today's society, a parent who disciplines a child is cruel and breaking the child's spirit. Yet the bible says "the father that loves his child will discipline him" I think this view of the shepherd is a perfect example of how sometimes, although discipline hurts, it is for our best interest in the end. I have often used this example when talking to my children about punishment. I am sure that their young minds may not comprehend this beautiful picture of Christ's love for us in it's entirety but I pray that someday, when the light switch turns on, they will see the beauty and love of boundaries and discipline!

 

Each time I am faced with a trial in life I am not so quick to blame Satan, but instead to take an inward look at my position with The Good Shepherd. Have I wandered from the fold? Is he trying to remind me to stay close to him? Is he mending the wounds from my decisions and carrying me on his shoulders to keep me safe and teach me that my protection, comfort, and safety can only be found in him? This puts a whole new spin on trials.

 

This week, really try to concentrate on your relationship with God as The Good Shepherd. Are you close enough to hear his voice or have you wandered from the fold? Are you enjoying the protection and provisions that The Good Shepard provides or are you cornered by wolves because you've went your own way? Are you finding strength in the fold that surrounds you or are you being broken by the Shepherd so that you can learn to appreciate his care for you?

 

Just another view of God's Grace for us.

 

 

Abba- Father, Week 3

What's in a name?

 

Wow. this was one roller coaster ride of a week. We got a lot of snow and some pretty frigid temps(one day it felt like -40F). The kids were already sick of being in the house and then the weather delayed their return to school for a whole week. The little ones were ready to have their little bit of mommy time back again, and we were all ready to get out of the house and get back into our normal routine. 

 

As I was praying and considering which name to choose for this week I was definitely having a mommy moment. I call this "mommy needs a time out". If I'm being honest I would say that on average, weekly,  I get out of the house less than 5 hours,especially when it is just too cold to bundle everyone up and get out, and those hours include the time I spend at the church doing ministry and going to the grocery store.

 

 About every 6 months I have one of these moments where I just get extremely overwhelmed and I need to get away from everyone and everything even if it just means to sit in silence somewhere, ANYWHERE, for a few hours. Usually this happens around a time of extreme schedule change, when everyone has been sick, and I am not sleeping at all! That in a nutshell has been our last 3 weeks!!

 

I have also been wrestling spiritually and emotionally with some other things. I've found that when you make a commitment to yourself and to the Lord that Satan will attack you in that very area to discourage you and convince you that you can not do what you are striving to do. He knows when your weak and he often takes advantage of that as well.

 

I was feeling very inadequate as a mother, which is kinda my full time job and ministry so that's a big deal.

 

As I was praying, asking the Lord to crush Satan, and thanking him for giving my the strength I need to defeat him; he gently whispered to me...

 

"I am your father, Abba. I love you. You are a great mother, despite what Satan and other may say. Keep searching my word for answers and I promise you will find the strength you need"

 

 

Wow. What comfort that brought to me in my moment of insecurity. You know, no matter how inadequate I feel sometimes to be the mother that all of my children, as individuals, need for me to be. When I am searching out God every minute of every day and it still seems like for some of them it just is not getting through. Satan says "Your a failure. Just give up. It's not worth all the stress it is causing you." but The Lord says "My strength is made perfect in your weakness. Keep the course. Keep being consistent. Train them in my ways" 

 

 

The great news is that no matter how many times I have failed my heavenly father, he has never given up on me. He is the ultimate example of being a perfect parent. His unconditional love is not even something that my human mind can comprehend and he has way more children than I ever will, each with their own individual wants, needs, and learning styles. If that doesn't give you hope as a mother I don't know what will.

 

 

So, as we are wading through the play grounds and war zones of motherhood this week, may we all find comfort in our Heavenly Father, Abba, The one who loves and cares for us unconditionally!!

El Roi- The God who sees me

Week 2 of 52

El Roi- The God who sees me

 

 

 

Week 1 we looked at the name Jehovah Jireh, The Lord will provide. For those of you who follow my facebook page you may have already seen some instances how this was true in our life last week. The very next day, we received an unexpected check in the mailbox that was just enough to pay some bills. We are short on income this month because my husband works at a college and they are shut down, without pay, for the whole month. Then, Wednesday, Kevin went to the grocery store to pick up a few items and found a large roast(big enough to feed our large family 2 times with plenty of left overs) normally costing $25.00 on sale for $7.00!! Thank you Jehovah Jireh!!

 

 

This week I wanted to look at El Roi, The God who sees me. Although I have known this as truth from a very young age, it has become increasingly important to me through the years. When I was younger, this meant to me that God was watching me. Be it good or bad, he knew my EVERY thought and action. As I have grown it's meaning has brought great comfort and joy in times when I have felt alone or unimportant.

 

Sometimes we as parents may be guilty of using this as a threat(of sorts) toward our children. While this may not necessarily be a bad thing, I think we must be cautious when using a quality of God as a fear tactic against our children. I, myself, have often told my children this in numerous discussions about obedience...

 "You should obey the rules and do what is right, even when you think no one is watching; because God is always watching. He sees everything you do and hears everything you say. He even knows what your thinking when you don't say it out loud."

 

While this is true, I think that we should first impart in them the awe of the attribute, the goodness that God intends it to be, before we use it to impart the fear of a great big God watching their every move. When they properly understand God for all the great things he is, their heart will long to do good in his sight, without us having to scare them into it.

 

Impart in them the truth of Scripture; that God has known them from the beginning of time, he knows every good thing he wants for them, every decision they will make, and how it will affect their future. One of my favorite Bible passages, as an example of El Roi, The God who sees me is

 

Jeremiah 29:11-13

11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. 13 And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.

 

 

This passage is one reason that I am doing this study. I have often concentrated on the first verse as a source of encouragement, but just a few months ago the last verse really caught my attention. I thought "Wow, what does it mean to be seeking god with my whole heart? Am I doing that?"

 

 How wonderful the promise that we will find him if we search for him with our whole heart!!

 

 

Another of my favorite passages to reiterate El Roi is Psalm 139. The Psalms are so packed full of promises about who God is... Our shield, strength, salvation, rock, fortress, refuge, deliverer, I could go on and on, but we would be here for a while!! 

 

The subheading in my bible for this passage says "God's perfect knowledge of Man"

 

 

Psalm 139

O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
2 You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
3 You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
4 For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.
5 You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.

7 Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
8 If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
9 If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall[a] on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;
12 Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.

13 For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;[b]
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.

17 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
18 If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You.

19 Oh, that You would slay the wicked, O God!
Depart from me, therefore, you bloodthirsty men.
20 For they speak against You wickedly;
Your enemies take Your name in vain.[c]
21 Do I not hate them, O Lord, who hate You?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
22 I hate them with perfect hatred;
I count them my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
24 And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.

 

 

 

Wow! How wonderful is it to know that we have a God who cares so much about us, me and you, personally that he cares to know the very innermost thoughts we have. He knew me even before I was conceived. He hand picked my parents, my husband, and my children all for me before I was even made. How precious are his thoughts towards me.

 

In all that he has created, his still cares enough to know me, by name. 

 

I cannot even begin to fathom this. I have a hard time calling my children by their name some days and I only have a handful.

 

He knows you better than anyone else. He is here to comfort you when no one else will be.

 He is ever faithful to you and committed to knowing EVERYTHING about you.

 

When you are afraid, he is your comfort.

When you are tired, he will give you rest.

When you feel alone, he's right beside you

When you cry, he cries.

When you rejoice, he rejoices with you.

When you are in pain, he feels it too.

 

It really is the ultimate relationship that anyone can ask for. He is the only one capable of loving me unconditionally. No matter what I do, or think, he will love me. No matter how I hurt him or turn from him, he will love me. No matter how much I disobey, or how long I run from what he has called me to do, he will love me.

 

He is El Roi, The God who sees me. At my worst, at my best. He sees my every need, my every want, and hears my every prayer.

 No one know me more than he does and I want to know his just as intimately as he knows me.

 

This week, no matter what you face, strive to seek God as El Roi. Know that he sees all and he cares for you. Thank him for loving you enough to care about EVERYTHING that goes on in your life. Turn to him, instead of worry and fear, when things aren't going exactly as you might want and ask him what he is trying to do for you.

 

 Work to impart this truth into the lives of your children this week.  

 

 

 

Jehovah Jireh, The Lord will provide.

In my resolution to improve my relationship with the Lord this year I thought it would be really cool to look at all his different names. I know about a handful of them and their meanings but have never really concentrated on them. I am hoping to look at a different name of God each week this year, in an effort to really know God for who he is!

One of my all time favorite names for the God...

Jehovah Jireh- The Lord will provide

Passages that come to mind when thinking of Jehovah Jireh would be...

1. The Children of Israel, who were wandering in the dessert, grumbling about not having any food, and God(Jehovah Jireh) sent them Manna; literally food falling from Heaven. It can't get too much more obvious than that.

2. When Abraham is just about to offer his son, who was promised to be the father of many nations; yet was not of age to even have one child, as a sacrifice because God had asked him to. In the bravest act of obedience, a ram appears, caught in a thicket and is a replacement sacrifice for Isaac. If that isn't an amazing picture of the wonderful saving grace of Jesus I don't know what is. I wonder who provided that lamb?

3. Obviously The Lord who provides the ultimate need of all mankind, The Lamb, The Atonement, The Savior of the world. Wow.

 As well as countless times in the new and Old Testament that God supplies the needs of his people.

Sometimes I forget that The Lord, My provider, cares to provide even for the littlest of my needs, even my wants.

We all have needs, some greater than others, and my heart breaks when I see those around me whose needs are great but they are looking for provisions in all the wrong places. I really am not sure how we would make it through life if we did not have Jehovah Jireh as our source of provision.

Most months after our Tithe and rent are paid there is little to nothing left for groceries or utility bills and we have 6(soon to be 7) mouths to feed and bathe. Sometimes I think the Lord is crazy for adding another one to our family! However, Jehovah Jireh, always provides for our needs. Even when we don't know where it will come from or how it will happen, it always shows up.Month after month, all the bills get paid and all the mouths get fed. To think that I still stress over it, I should know by now that he is faithful, when we are faithful, and he will always provide. Even when we act like the children of Israel and grumble because the Manna from heaven isn't good enough, he provides quail. I literally used to think my husband was crazy when he would pray specifically for something he wanted. I would actually get angry sometimes, thinking "where do you think that is possibly going to come from when I am worried about putting food on the table this week". Yet it NEVER fails, the very thing he asked God for will show up in the mail from a random place, a check for the exact amount I needed for my grocery budget and the exact cost of what he wanted will appear in the mailbox. It used to anger me and he would say, if you had faith you'd do the same. I spend a lot of time praying for our needs to be provided, the last thing on my mind is something I want. Maybe it is a lack of faith on my part? I don't know. I can tell you countless times I have prayed "Lord it will take a miracle to pull this off. You know this unexpected expense has come up, the car broke down, the kids got sick, etc.." and he'll send the very miracle I doubted.

I find myself wondering what life would be like without Jehovah Jireh. I don't even want to think about it. All the hurt, anguish, and poverty in the world has come as a direct result of sin, and turning from Jehovah God. Some people would disagree with this, saying that there are thousands of impoverished nations who can't be helped, but I guarantee if you trace it far enough back in history it is as a direct result of that nation turning it's back on God, and sadly friends, I'm not sure America is far behind. Those nations can be helped, the answer is, and always has been, from the beginning of time Jehovah Jireh! That's the very reason we are commanded to go and tell the nations. It is not too late. If we would do what we are commanded the gospel could be spread to all nations, every tribe and every tongue. God would not give us an impossible task, but he also will not sit back and watch our disobedience forever. We have got to tell the world that there is a Provider and he wants to provide their every need.

This week as you go through your daily life, thank God each time he reveals himself as Jehovah Jireh, The Lord who provides. Thank him for electricity, clean running water, a roof over your head and pray, desperately pray, for those who aren't looking to him to provide these things.

However, don't just sit back and be thankful for him as your provider, go tell someone about how he can provide for their needs. Be Jehovah Jireh to someone who is in desperate need of a provider, and make it known that HE is the ultimate provider and he wants to provide for them. This week, show someone the same GRACE that he has given you, in an effort to know God for who he truly is Jehovah Jireh!



30 day mom challenge

I saw this 30 day Mom challenge on Facebook and I thought it would be a great way to help with one of my resolutions this year. Be a better parent.

The first 30 days I am going to do it for all the children at the same time(meaning I may have to combine a few of the things into one thing they all share in common) but I thought after that I could continue and concentrate on one child per month. Before I know it I am sure many of these great parenting practices will become a habit(or at least I hope so). Wanna join me?

 

Here we go

 

 

By His grace,

 

Kelli