Mommy Guilt

The dreaded mommy guilt. It rears it's ugly head in so many different scenarios but this particular strain has got me down.

I am now on strict bed rest, sitting, feet up, not supposed to be on my feet unless going to the bathroom, even sitting in the shower, no lifting, no bending... you get the picture.

 Any of you who have been there know exactly what I am talking about. It is fun for about a day, then it goes old real fast. NEVER thought I would say this but, you can only pintrest so much before it's boring. LOL!! Let me also just say that with 4 kids and a hard working husband this is nearly impossible, or at last it seems that way in my mind.

 I am thankful for my husband who already has a full plate but is willing to help as soon as he walks in the door. All the messes from the day that I normally clean up in the 30 minutes before he gets home are left laying, lunch dishes are still in the sink, the laundry needs switched over... you get the idea. All these things, I am sure, frustrate him after a long day at work; I try to keep it all clean and picked up right before he gets home so that instead of feeling tense when he gets home he'll feel relieved and comforted. That is our job as homemakers right? To make home an oasis for our man. Well his oasis has turned into a mirage! It draws him in and then disappears. Yet he doesn't complain, he just comes straight in and gets to work.

GUILT ALERT #1

I hate not being able to keep things neat and orderly for him, and I hate that he has to do my job too.


Then there are the kids, who have been a wonderful help, doing the little jobs they can and teaching me that I need to give them more responsibility(but that's a whole other blog topic I am working on). The older 2 are at school during the day so it isn't near as hard on them, but the younger 2 are starting to feel the affects. Mommy, who is normally at their beck and call, playing in the floor with them, fixing the computer so he can play PBS kids, getting snacks and drinks, etc... is now not able to do all those things(or a least not as often, because really who could get through life without those things?) Our 5 year old is getting grumpy when I tel him he'll have to wait until he next time I have to get up to go potty since mommy cant get up and down as much. Our 2 year old is just plain confused and emotional. They haven't  seen anything outside these 4 walls in over a week and they are just as sick of it as I am.

GUILT ALERT #2

This is the one I find hard to handle. My wonderful hubby can understand that this is only temporary and is in the best interest of little Micah's health. Our kids, especially the younger ones, find this harder to understand. I struggle with what to tell them. I want to tell them that mommy has to take it easy because baby Micah needs to be healthy when he's born and we want that to be as long as it can be, but then I fear breading a resentment that they may have for him before he's even born. They pray for him to be healthy and stay in mommies belly as long as possible and  don't think there is any hard feelings toward me or the baby yet but a mommy's heart worries about these things. It's probably something that can't really be comprehended by our 2 year old, and isn't as hard on the older kids because they are interacting in other ways but it is our 5 year old I worry about.

I fell guilty for being pregnant again, knowing that this is a common theme for us. Then I feel guilty for felling guilty about being pregnant because every child is a blessing from the Lord and we already  love little Micah more than he can ever imagine. Every once in a while I just say forget it and get up to spend some time with the kids and then I feel guilty when I start having contractions! I'm juggling all these emotions, in an already highly emotional state! AGHHH!!!

All I can do is pray and ask the Lord to give me peace and to let that peace overflow into the heart of our children and then go to the shower(my mommy timeout) and cry it out when I feel overwhelmed.

My husband said to me last night... I really wish you were enjoying this pregnancy(because normally I love pregnancy). As much as I want to enjoy it, especially because I am praying it is my last, this guilt has gotten to me. Even after much prayer and giving it to the Lord. I know all the right answers... Give it to God. Don't let Satan have this kind of power over you. Just don't think about it. All well meaning and said by those who care but a whole lot easier said than done!

I am extremely thankful to my hubby, kids, and my parents for all the help and support they provide; and for the hundreds of ministry partners and churches that I know pray for us. I am trying to let go of the guilt and enjoy but every once in a while it just helps to get it off your chest!

Mommy guilt may look totally different for you, but I just want you to know that you are not alone. When mommy guilt rears it's ugly face, pray a little harder to be covered in his GRACE!

Kelli