Godly Confidence- Your worth, found in the shadow of the cross.

I’ve always been a little jealous of the Proverbs 31 woman. She set such a high bar of expectations that it seems impossible to measure up. That is what we do right? Spend our whole lives trying to measure up, fearing that we won’t be good enough, we will never be accepted, and become so paralyzed by fear that we sit idle and watch life pass us by missing opportunity after opportunity. I’ve spent the last year trying to figure out why we let fear control us? Is it a lack of confidence? Is it an abundance of pride? Fear of failure is an immobilizer in my own life. It keeps me from going back to school to pursue a teaching career because I’m too old, from cooking meals for my family because I am a horrible cook, from being the best mother I can be because I can never accomplish all that needs to be done. Yet I read about this woman and the one verse that stands out to me is vs 25. 

Strength and dignity are her clothing. She laughs without fear of the future.

 I’ve always read that vs and thought “man I wish I could have that kind of confidence”.

Many Christians struggle with the thought of Confidence. They seem to be confused between Godly Confidence and pride. Even Self-confidence as defined above is healthy when we ultimately find our confidence in the realization of all that Christ is and all that we are not.

Confidence is… Quiet

Pride is… Loud

Confidence is…Willing to learn

Pride…knows it all already

Confidence is… selfless

Pride is… selfish

Confidence…knows it weakness

Pride… thinks it has none

When confidence turns to pride, we stop learning. Healthy confidence knows it’s strength and abilities but is willing to ask for help and knows it’s weaknesses.

Scripture encourages Godly confidence…

Jeremiah 17:7

 Blessed is the woman who trusts is in the Lord, and has made the Lord her hope and confidence. For she is like a tree planted by the water, whose root are deep, she does not fear the heat, and continues to produce fruit even in the time of drought.

Comparison is the enemy of confidence

 Don’t get caught up in comparing yourself to others. 

DO NOT compare your outtakes to someone else’s highlight reel. 

Social media has created a monster. Here we are looking through our news feed and we see the mom at our church who has her 2 toddlers perfectly dressed and both smiling so sweetly for a candid photo with their arms around each other like they just love each other to pieces. Meanwhile we just tried to get one decent picture with all of our kids in it which resulted in hair being pulled, fingers being stepped on, the baby is screaming his face off, the oldest is wrestling the screaming baby and keeping that smile glued on her face because she’s finally reached the age that she knows to look at the camera and smile no matter what, the boys are in a fist fight, and the 3 year old has her finger up her nose. Instagram doesn’t have a filter for that!! Our old highschool friend is tweeting about her extravagant vacation while the closest thing I’ve had to a vaca in the past month was a 10 minute shower at the YMCA because I actually get more privacy in the communal shower than I do at home!! But here is what we fail to remember… it probably took 10 retakes, an outfit change, and some major bribery for a trip to Jumping Joeys for that perfect picture and our friend didn’t tweet about the long nights spent at the office working overtime, the massive amount of debt they may have accumulated to get that vacation, and the fact that they will be working late nights for months to pay it off. We can’t edit real life the way we edit our FB page and no one’s life is what it appears to be from the outside.

Some of us are better than others at playing the masquerade game when we are slowly dying inside. God created us to come together and support one another. How are we supposed to be a support system when every time we come together we all act like we have it together and leave the same hurting, heart-broken, falling apart mess that we came in as. I get it, sin has perverted the hearts of us all. We are terrified that if anyone knew the real us, the broken, hurting, struggling, drowning us they would never let us in the door of the church again. Guess what??? That’s all of us. We are all just too afraid to say it. Instead, when asked how we’re doing we respond with the obviously fake “Oh, everything is great”, “couldn’t be better” or my favorite… FINE… Fine is just code for Frazzled, Irrational, Neurotic, and Exhausted.

When we realize that God created us on purpose, for a purpose, and with a purpose we will stop looking to finite things around us to find our purpose and look to him to fulfill the story he has already written for us. (Ephesians 2:10)

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus, unto good works, which he planned for us before the world began.

When you embrace who God created you to be, you will find confidence and joy. We were created to bring him glory. This totally changes the perspective and turns our eyes toward him. When we have the proper perspective everything else just falls in to place.

God is not looking for a perfect woman, he is looking for a woman who wants to walk with Jesus and find her confidence in her daily dependence on him.

Renee Swopes

  

Where are we seeking confidence?

Many times we are guilty of seeking our confidence in things. While many of these things are a necessary part of our lives we short circuit the plan of God when we allow them to become the pursuit of our happiness.

We are holding up the empty cup of our heart to all of these things begging them to fill and fulfill us yet still come to the end of those things feeling empty and unfulfilled.

We create idols of the very things we’ve been blessed with in life because we loose sight of the giver and his desire to bless and fill us and turn our focus to the gifts he’s given. They were meant for our good but not for our fulfillment.

Idols we beg to fill us

Relationships

Parenting

Career

Education

Hobbies

Ministry

Church

Entertainment

Possesions

Status

Acceptance

Approval

Jeremiah 29:11-13  When God was talking to Jeremiah in this passage the Israelite's were so deep in the throws of idolatry that they couldn't see the one who gave them all they had. They were seeking and seeking to be filled but were coming up empty. They were making literal graven images of the blessings God had given them(sun, moon, stars, animals, etc...). What we don't realize is that we are doing the very same thing today. All the blessings God has given us(family, friends,talents) have become our idols and he is begging us to come back to him and seek him with our whole heart, just like he was begging the Israelites. 

When Jesus is not in the center of it all, our schedules, minds, stomachs, closets, and lives are full yet our hearts just keep coming up empty. We hear God’s promise for abundant life yet we can see nothing abundant in our life except busyness, obligations, failures, and exhaustion. Sometimes we need to lower our expectations of ourselves and lighten our overloaded list of commitments.

Stop allowing the pain of your past to determine your future, Don’t let your broken dreams become bitter expectations.

Your trying to earn your value in all that you do, but you will never find the love that you are longing for in anyone or anything but God. Until God’s love is enough, nothing else will be.

Maybe you are at a place in life where you just feel completely unlovable. Let me tell you that Satan would love nothing more than for you to stay right in that place but your advocate is greater than your adversary. Maybe you have spent the entirety of your life seeking for love in all the wrong places and you always come up feeling more alone, empty and unloved than you did before.

God placed the desire for unfailing love in our hearts because he knew that it would lead us to him. Unfailing love is mentioned 32 times in the bible and never once is it attributed to a person, Only God!

Psalm 90:14 Satisfy us each morning with your unfailing love,

    so we may sing for joy to the end of our lives.

 I find my confidence in knowing that I am completely loved in this moment and God is not waiting for me to get my act together in order to become worthy of his affection. RIGHT NOW in this very moment you are loved, pursued, and seen by the One who sees everything; He knows you better than anyone, even yourself, and he has NEVER been disappointed by you!!

We were made for a love that is not measured by our last accomplishment but marked by God’s measureless grace.

 That Grace is seen in God’s perfect love story. When he sends his only Son to die for us so that we can spend eternity with him. If we are depending on who we are it will never be enough, we are constantly failing, falling short of the mark of perfection, but we were never made to meet that mark. Jesus is the only one who ever met that mark and he willingly gave his life to pay for the sins that we have commited so that we could have the assurance of spending eternity in Heaven, eternally covered by God’s grace and love. And when we stand in the shadow of that cross, unworthy and undone, we will find the open arms of our Saviour time and time again. What kind of love is that?!?

God wants us to find lasting security in knowing we are valued and pursued by the one who knows us better than anyone and loves us in spite of our failures and short comings. He is not limited by our limitations. He is going to fulfill his will and purpose w/ or w/o you, but he is inviting you to join him in the journey.

The first step of the journey is admitting to him that you are completely unworthy. Your sin is a barrier between having an amazing relationship with him for eternity, but when you ask him to cover the multitude of your sins with the precious blood of Jesus you can begin walking the journey of confidence knowing that you are loved unconditionally and he wants to use you to do great things.

Let God lead you beyond believing IN him to Believing Him by relying on the power of his words and live like they are true, no matter what your feelings are telling you.

Spend time reading your Bible… The more you hear Gods word the more you will believe it, rely on it, and live like it is true. The closer you get to Jesus the more clearly you understand his purpose for your life.

Find what triggers your doubt… when we loose focus on Christ we are easily distracted by fear, failure, conflict, discouragement, comparison, worry, criticism, etc… When you find yourself in the shadow of self doubt realize that you have lost focus on Jesus and turn back to the light.

Find who you are in Christ. Our passions are built into us by our creator because he knew that they will conform us to his purpose for our lives. 

 Live life knowing that you are

Chosen, Accepted, Loved, Pursued, and Invited to live a life of confidence.

It all starts in the shadow of the cross. 

Honesty from the heart of a struggling mom... 1 year later.

I was looking back over some of my old blog post from last year and this one Honesty from the heart of a struggling mom caught my eye. My how things can change in a year. I've gone from an overwhelmed, emotionally pregnant, mom of 4 to an overwhelmed, but loving every minute of it, mom of 5.

Here's what I have realized...

EVERY stage of life can be overwhelming. 

You expect to go from one overwhelming stage to another non-overwhelming stage; but life with young kids just doesn't work that way. The next stage may be less overwhelming than the previous one but there will be a day(or 2, or 100) that you feel like you are in over your head. Especially if you are the mom of a lot of young children. Your outnumbered and everyone has needs!

Trust me mama when I say you are not alone. 

I've come to realized that it isn't wrong, or weak, or embarrassing for me as a mother to be overwhelmed. I am not Superwoman. I can only push myself for so long before I can't handle any more, and many of us are guilty of pushing ourselves for far too long. We are human, we are not perfect, we need rest(emotionally and physically).

Instead, it is how we react to being overwhelmed that determines whether it is going to be to our good or to the detriment of our family. 

I can be completely overwhelmed and still be a reasonable, kind, encouraging person, but so often when we find ourselves overwhelmed we find ourselves short and snappy with our children and our husbands. It's our way of screaming...

CANT YOU SEE I'M DROWNING HERE? HELP ME, PLEASE!!!

We have become so good as wives and mothers at anticipating the needs of others that I think we expect people to read our minds and know when we have had enough. It's easy to react with self-pity, fear, and unkind spirits and that my friend is exactly what Satan wants from us. You know that he can use the biggest blessings in our life to overwhelm us and steal our joy? We become concerned with having the perfect marriage, the most well-behaved children, the most successful ministry, and the most beautiful home that we loose sight of the blessing these things are meant to be and allow them to become burdens for us to carry. 

It seems to come in seasons for me. There are seasons that everything is going well, I have enough energy to keep up with everyone and meet all their needs. The house is fairly clean. Our marriage is blissful and ministry is enjoyable. I put it on cruise control, I'm not as diligent to tend to the needs of my house, my spouse and my children and then the wave of chaos comes rolling in. I have found that it is mostly my fault when chaos ensues and I get overwhelmed(not always, but usually). Then I allow Satan to creep in and sow the seed of self pity and insecurity. You know those days when you feel like... Why can't anyone see I am struggling, or can they see but they just don't care? Am I just not good enough at what I have been called to do to do it correctly and not get so overwhelmed? If I was a good mother... If I was a good wife... It goes on and on. 

God has given us promises about all of these things, the answers to all questions, the life raft coming to our rescue. When we are properly focused on him we can keep Satan's antics at arms length and remain planted in his grace. 

Many times when I am feeling overwhelmed I feel the need to mask it with a smile(at least while around other) and just give up at home. I don't want anyone to know that I am overwhelmed and I don't want to ask for help(that's my pride) because that might just give someone a platform to say hurtful things about the size of my family, or the things we have chosen as important in our lives(ministry, christian education, etc...) and all my joy is robbed away. 

Let's choose as mom's to become better at asking for help and being honest about our limits. Our husbands and children can't read our minds and many times when they find out how overwhelmed we are(usually after a mommy meltdown) they are more than willing to shoulder some of the load. It's ok to struggle but in those moments of struggle choose to be overwhelmed and overjoyed. Don't let self pity drag you down into a mommy rut. 

Get back on schedule, be more diligent, talk to God more throughout your day about the wonderful blessings he has given you and the struggles that come along with those blessings. 

This past year has not been an easy year. Having a baby, family adjusting to the change, lots of hard work in ministry, outside family struggles, financial hardships, and even as I type we are awaiting an MRI for Micah to determine if he has the same brain malformation that Carson had and whether he will require brain surgery to correct it. I am no less overwhelmed today than I was a year ago, but I am choosing joy in those moments instead of self pity. 

I'm overwhelmed, but overjoyed!!

At some point I will make it into a less overwhelming stage of life,and recharge to face the next overwhelming stage. Yet in each stage I am overwhelmed by his grace, because his grace is made perfect in my weakness. 

Lord, sift me like wheat.

It was just recently while doing a study by Beth Moore, with my mom, that I heard a passage of scripture in a whole new light. I just love it when that happens. You know, when you've read over a passage several times in a lifetime but there's just that one time when you read it or hear it explained and the light bulb goes off. It has since become one of my favorite passages.

In the days before the crucifixion, as the Lord was preparing for his death, he spoke to Peter saying...

 

"Peter, Satan has asked for you, to sift you as wheat. I have prayed for you, that your faith will not fail. And when you have repented and turned back to me... strengthen your brothers."

 

Hmmm. This struck me in so many different ways. Maybe it was just the season of life I was in. It was appointed for me to hear Beth speaking on these things right at that time. The Ahh Ha moment had arrived.

 

In her study "Believing God" Beth Moore states...

 

"Sifting is not just God allowing Satan to have a little fun in your life. He didn't forget about you. You haven't fallen off of his radar. He is patiently waiting and praying for you as you are being sifted. He's tryin' to say to you... I want to take you places, I want to do great things in your life, but we aren't taking that(sin)"

 

WOW! I'm not at all sure why that was so powerful to me. This is not some form of Satan's revenge, this is not an oversight on God's part. This is a process. God wants to use me, but there are some things I have to get rid of first.

 

So many times when I am in a season of sifting I blame Satan. You know the old "I'm going places for God and you are tripping me up. This is a trial of patience, endurance, strength. I'm going to defeat you through this." When in all actuality God is probably sitting there beating his head against the wall because the very things he is trying to sift out of my heart, I am clinging to. He doesn't want me to get through this on my own. I am not strong enough to endure or patient enough to wait it out. The god of self and pride are prominent. God is using Satan as a tool. He enjoys beating and shaking and throwing me around, all the while the gentle breath of my Savior is blowing all those impurities away. The chaff, the pebbles, the pride, the selfishness, the spirit of discontentment. He's gently trying to remove them from my heart and I am clinging to them for dear life.

 

Talk about a change in perspective. So in the times since then that I have felt a season of sifting, instead of reaching for my pride and vain ambition and bristling up to defeat Satan, I stop and ask...

 

 "What are you trying to get rid of Lord? What needs to go? Take it, please. I want to go where you want to take me."  

 

Does this mean that I don't still get totally stressed out and self reliant that I loose sight of the big picture and try to handle things myself and become completely overwhelmed. Definitely not. Most times, actually, I find myself fighting for life under the crushing weight of Satan's beating and thrashing before I let go of the god of self and let God sift out the junk.

 

These are some things I try to remember when a season of sifting arrives. Even in the several times I have read the passage since the Ahh Ha moment I have gleaned more truth from it.

 

1. Satan had to ask for you

 

 

2. The Lord has prayed for you

WHAT?!?! When I read this I was instantly brought to tears. The LORD, God Almighty, who knows every hair on my head, my every thought, my every fear, my inadequacies, my failures... He's praying for me!! I mean, I knew God was all knowing and cares even for the sparrows. He knows every second of my life in his Omniscient power; but it NEVER(and I mean NEVER EVER) crossed my mind that he was praying for me.  Prayer is such an intimate thing, at least for me. I mean if I am praying for you, I love you, and I mean that. Prayer is a serious thing to me. There are a few people in my life who tell me frequently that they are praying for me, and I know they mean it, I can feel it in my soul. That means more to me than words could EVER express. That is intersession with "God on High" on MY behalf. I am important to the Lord, and my spiritual state of being is important enough in his eyes for him to talk to his father about it. BLEW my mind!!

 

3. And WHEN you have repented and come back to me

The word "when" literally jumped right off the page at me. That was a guarantee. He didn't say IF, he said WHEN. There is no season of sifting that can keep you from  returning to the Lord.

 

4. Strengthen your brothers

Now wait a minute Lord... I am the one who is going to be sifted. Upon my return shouldn't my brothers be the ones strengthening me??? The point of sifting is to strengthen you so that you can in turn strengthen others. Don't be discouraged by the sifting season. Learn from it. Let go of those impurities that God is trying to rid from your heart and life and return to strengthen those around you. 

 

If you feel like your at a standstill in your Christian walk, maybe there are some things that are keeping you there. Pray; Lord, sift me!!

 

 



Birth Announcement(2 months later)

Introducing... Micah Scott Pruitt 

 

I know it may seem as if I have abandoned my blog... in some ways I kinda have, but all for good reason, and it wont last forever I promise.

 

1 very good reason for my recent silence has been the birth and first few months of our newest little blessing arrival. Delivery went super smoothly, although he was the longest baby I have cooked(we nearly made it to 37 weeks), he required a small hospital stay for some breathing issues, which we totally did not expect.

 

 In hindsight I can see that the Lord probably did that to keep me from being the crazy woman I am and over exerting myself the next few days following his birth. We were having our first major outreach at our church plant and instead of attending the community pancake breakfast and Easter Egg hunt and being able to help, Micah and I spent his first 4 days in the NICU. The Lord always knows what we need and it was actually a great time to bond with Micah before being thrust back into the reality of family life with 5 kids.

 

 He is such the perfect completion to our family and everyone just loves him to pieces. Few things in life are as precious and time consuming as an infant. I am taking in every possible second of this stage because likely I will never again cuddle and love on a baby this small again. Yes, I am emotionally crazy about this, I officially have last baby syndrome. I am not getting near enough sleep because I just sit up all night and stare at him after he wakes up for a feeding and goes back to sleep. In the complete silence of the house(since that only ever happens when everyone else is sleeping) I treasure those tiny finger and toes, flittering eyelids and gassy smiles that are the life of a newborn. Then I cry because it is a quickly fading stage that I so much enjoy. If time could only stand still... and so I try to make the most of this time.

 

 

 

Along with this nostalgic, last baby syndrome I have come to the realization that all of this will soon fade away to a memory. Someday all these giggling, blond headed, bundles of energy will be grown and gone.

 

While most days I am dreaming of the days of no more snot and slime, no more fussing and fighting, no more I'm bored, I'm hungry, or He's looking at me's, but when night comes, and all is quiet, I know I've missed some of the greatest moments in their young lives whilst blogging, doing laundry, or cleaning something for the thousandth time that isn't even dirty.

 

 So I have committed a lot of my time this summer to trying to be the "Yes mom". Next fall we will have 3 kids in school. 3rd grade, 2nd grade, and Kindergarten. Doesn't even seem possible that they have grown that fast.

 

 So this summer is a summer of dirty laundry and a sink full of dishes.

 

I'm spending as much time as possible enjoying the great outdoors, all the playgrounds and splash pads that this city has to offer. We are going to have a summer to remember. Even if we never leave our yard we will have fun. I've been making a conscious effort to say yes more. For me this means asking myself each time the kids ask something "do I really have a reason to say no?" Most of the time, when it is the little things, I can't find a good reason to say no so I have been saying yes.

 

Yes to my 2 year old being covered in bandaids even if she doesn't have a legitimate scratch.

Yes to an ice pack for the tiniest bump from our outside adventures.

 Yes to playing board games, side walk chalk, bubbles, and hopscotch.

 Yes to family camping in the living room with every pillow, blanket, and stuffed animal known to man.

 Yes to catching fireflies and playing in the rain. It's been a great adventure so far!!!!

 

So for now, I'm storing those blog posts in my mind for the rainy days, the long naps, and after bedtime when all is quiet. :)