Week 22 Dr Checkup

Week 22 Dr visit. Everything looking good. Measuring right on target, no significant preterm issues thus far, strong, steady heart rate, and mommy has now officially gained 8 pounds. Next appt 4 weeks, ultrasound to recheck growth and bowel issues in 6 weeks. Praying for no preterm issues before my next appt! The Dr told baby(and mommy) to behave today.

Bedrest is continue to test my ability to sit still but I requested crocheting tools for Christmas and a sewing machine so that is helping! I have finished 4 crochet projects and plan to start on the sewing machine today!! I'm really excited to try to make the bedding for the crib. I have a few months to get the hang of this before the project has to be done!!

This pregnancy seem to be flying by, probably with the rush of all the holidays. The kids finally got to feel him moving, he has always been so far down in my pelvis that they could never really feel it but now he has moved up in the uterus(or flipped his feet up that direction). Leah has been dying to feel him move so she is constantly asking me know "is he moving?" We are enjoying every little kick that we can.

Oh how I love pregnancy!! If it wasn't for the injections that we had just discovered I needed to take with these last 2 pregnancies, it is hard to tell how many kids we would have! I am realizing this time though, that my body is not as young as it used to be. Pregnacy does get harder the older you get. I am not sure my body will bounce back from this go round like it has the other 4 times!

We are still debating out names. I am pretty sure we have locked it down to a top 2 but haven't decided to set one in stone. We are now talking middle names and trying to decide which combo we like best! I'll be posting as soon as we decide.

What does it mean to draw near to God? Part 2

In part 1 we discussed the importance of prayer, and a new perspective on prayer, as a way to Draw near. We talked a lot about the lines of communication being open and how it affects our relationships if we have poor communication. Prayer is our way of talking to God. Be warned however, Do not use God as a vending machine. Always taking and never giving, always talking and never listening. If prayer is our line of communication to God then how does he communicate with us?

Bible Reading

Since we don't have the privilege of living in the time that Jesus walked the earth, or  hearing the audible voice of God it is essential to go to the book he has given us. The bible, God's way of communicating with us. This may seem like a daunting task to many. How do I know where to start? How much do I read? What if I don't understand what I am reading?

Here's where I may catch a little flack for what I am writing, this is completely my opinion, so take it or leave it.

I don't think I am a typical bible reader. Here's why... growing up as a preachers daughter I knew the importance of reading the bible, there was no question that it was essential but everyone had opinions on what you should read, how long you should read, and particularly what version you should read. Honestly, reading the bible for me was more of a "because it was an obligation" to read this much, in this amount of time, regardless of my understanding it or not. It wasn't actually until just recently that I really realized what I have known all along needed to be put into practice. Reading the bible is not just something to mark off your check list. There are no rules as to how much, where, or what version you should read. Most of my life Bible reading has been a regimented, guilt ridden, structured by someone else reading plan, that didn't at all apply to my life or grow my relationship with the Lord. For this reason I really tend to bristle up when someone tries to tell me what I should be reading or how I should be reading. There came a point just a few years ago that I decided "This is ridiculous. I am not getting any closer to God. I'm not hearing from him like I should be. This is not an open line of communication" All because I was trying to follow the Bible reading rules.

I would encourage you, if you are in this situation, LET GO OF THE RULES. God wants to talk to you, he wants to reveal his wonderful plan for you, he wants you to seek him and be interested in what he has to say.

Here's what I did to break the stigma that I had about bible reading...

1. Ditch the plans. If you are reading a plan out of obligation to a plan, then ditch it. When I read on a reading plan I was just reading to check off that days box. I wasn't getting anything AT ALL. I started paving my own course in the things that I needed to hear from God. It started on Blueletterbible.com,  they had a great search tool that I liked to use. I would search a word that I felt that day or needed to hear a passage or promise on. Comfort, fear, pride, patience, safety, confidence, etc... It would bring up tons of scripture references, easy to click on, change versions to read, etc. This for me revolutionized how I heard from God! It was something that I directly needed to hear that day, it applied to what was going on in my life, and I chose it!!! I loved it. It got to the point that I spent more time searching words and reading scripture than I did anything else. It was great! If you don't know where to start try something like this! If you absolutely NEED a plan to follow along with start by reading a Proverb a day. There are 31 of them so you will have 1 chapter to read each day! You can head over to thejourneybloomington.com and follow along with our churches reading plan; or search the Internet, Youversion has a lot of great reading plans geared toward specific subject matters.

2. Read a version you can understand! Yes, I know, there are hundreds of opinions on this and I am not going to debate it because God didn't call me to waist my time debating opinions; but for what it's worth, here's mine. If you don't understand what your reading, it isn't doing you ANY good at all!! My whole life I grew up reading KJV, memorized hundreds of memory verses in KJV, nothing wrong with KJV if you understand it but I have a hard time in some spots really understanding it. My grandfather, who was a grown man well into his 40's, maybe even 50's, before he learned how to read, learned to read the bible from the New Century Version. This was my first exposure to another version, as an 8 year old, I finally understood what some of those verses I had locked in my brain meant. It shed a new light on things. As I've grown and bought bibles of my own I have tried a few new versions over the years, ESV, NLT, NKJV, NIV, etc... I will say my favorite version to read from right now is the NLT. It is modern English, easy to read, and a good interpretation. Since I dropped the stigma of only reading one version I have learned so much more some of my friends are having a heart attack as they read this. In the age of technology the Internet is a wonderful tool. You can even compare some versions side by side on certain sites. Start online, reading different versions, and then when you find one you like purchase a bible in that version.

3. Make it a habit. It doesn't matter if it is one verse, one chapter, one minute. Start small and create a habit out of it. If you can do it at the same time each day it is easier to make it a habit, if not do it when you can. There are no rules. Just remember that good relationships have 2 way communication. If you go a day without hearing from your spouse you feel funny, it's weird, you don't like it. This is the way it should be with bible reading, you should long to hear from God each day.

This, along with prayer, will open your relationship with God and take it to whole new levels. As with prayer, let this be something your kids see is important to you. So what if it is not completely quiet when your trying to read, is it ever REALLY quiet with a house full of kids? Not only do your kids need to know that they can pray to God and ask for help, but they need to know where to turn when they need to hear from him. You are their life teacher, let them see you in the word. Share what you've learned with them. Commit scripture to memory so that when they are struggling with something you can share a verse with them whether you have a bible with you or not. Kids learn a lot from observing us, don't take that responsibility for granted!!

Make a commitment in 2014 to better your communication with God and really hear from him!! Draw Near!

What does it mean to Draw near to God? Part 1

As the new year approaches it is one of my main focuses to be intentional about my relationship with Christ. I don't just mean that "yes, I'm a christian and I love the Lord" kind of relationship. I am talking about an all out, no holding back, commitment to bettering my relationship with him. I can't count the number of times I have counseled others about a good relationship with the Lord. It like any other earthly relationship takes open communication, commitment, time, energy, and focus. It is not something that just happens because you say a pray and accept Christ as your Savior. Sure that means your relationship has started with him but in order for it to be a GOOD relationship you need to invest in it. How great would your friendships, marriages, and other relationships hold up if you didn't put any time and energy into them?

The Lord has continued to put this verse in my path the last few weeks. Being married to a preacher, when we spend long periods of time in the car we usually listen to sermon pod-casts by various pastors. It is something we both enjoy(the kids aren't thrilled, neither was I when I was a kid and my dad listened to sermons on long car rides) plus it sparks conversations and in my case blog thoughts. Funny how a lot of the sermons we listened to traveling from place to place for the holidays concentrated on prayer and asking God for things. Some were good, others seemed to portray our relationship with Christ like that of a consumer and a vending machine, he gives and we take.

 But what does it truly mean to draw near to God?

I am no theologian, and I wont claim to be; but I just wanted to share some of my thoughts on drawing near to God.

Prayer

Prayer is a key factor in relationship with God. Many view it as a chore, something that is hard to do, a burden... I would challenge you to look at prayer in a different light. Prayer is intimidating to some people, seasoned Christians or new Christians. However, most of them have been given an unreasonable idea of prayer. All prayer is is talking to God. Think about what your relationship with your spouse would be like if you NEVER talked?! Even worse... What if your spouse only talked to you when they needed something?  Seems absurd to even think about, yet many of us take that approach with God. We never talk to him and we never listen to him either, we'll get to that aspect in a moment. The only time we run to him in prayer is when our lives are falling apart and we have tried everything we can to fix it ourselves before we finally decide to go ask him for help. I don't know about you, but I have some of those people in my life. They only call when they need money, or they've hit rock bottom. If I miss a call from them I worry about them and their well being just knowing somethings gone wrong or else they wouldn't have called. That's no kind of a relationship to have with someone, is it??

Prayer doesn't have to be fancy, you don't have to use old English words that no one understands. God is relevant, he's not stuck back in the future somewhere only able to understand the language and redirect from that day. Contrary to what many old timey preachers may say, or what you've been taught. It's not like you have to learn a foreign language to talk to him. You don't have to shut yourself in a closet, fold your hands, bow your head, etc... Prayer is a continual act. As a matter of fact the bible tells us to "Pray without ceasing"Thes. 5:17. Do you really think it means stay in your closet all day and pray? NO It just means take time in all of your day and your activities to include talking with God. For me this means simply muttering, sometimes not even audibly, a thank you for the blessing you come across in you day... The smile of your toddler and sweet "I love you mommy" she has just uttered, the success of your emerging independent 5 year old, the very fact that your 6 year old is living breathing proof of God's miraculous healing power even if that very same stubbornness that caused him to fight for his own fragile life causes him to fight you tooth and nail on every issue, the honesty and development of your beautiful 8 year old clone whose learning to cook and clean and thinks mommy is the greatest woman alive. A plea for help and patience when you encounter your little cutie pie with a marker in hand and the Picasso painting she has drawn on your wall or herself, the cry or display of anger when your emerging independent 5 year old has encounter failure or a task that's too hard for his skill set, the stubbornness and determination of your 6 year old that you are sure will either kill you or cause you to kill him, the frailty of your emotional 8 year old as she encounters those in life who aren't as kind hearted and caring as she had imagined them to be. Other times for me this means I do need to get somewhere alone and quiet and pray for serious issue, this is usually when you will find me in the shower, crying and talking to God. As silly as this may sound... I pray every time I enter the highway that there will be no traffic coming and I wont have to merge into a mess of cars. Call it what you may but 99.9% of the time, there is no traffic!! God doesn't care where I am, what I am wearing, or what's going on around me, as long as I am including him in my day. He doesn't need me to pray to him, but he's asked me to, and it is a display of my love towards him.

Another of my favorite verses is found in Jeremiah 29. I love verses 11-13

 

¹¹ For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. ¹² Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.

 

I have always paid special attention to verse 11 but in this season of life the Lord has highlighted verse 13 in my heart.

 

 You will seek me and find me, WHEN YOU SEARCH FOR ME WITH ALL YOUR HEART.

 

This is what started the whole goal to concentrate on my relationship with him this coming year. I thought... Am I searching with my whole heart? Am I really drawing near?  Am I putting in all the time and effort that I put into my earthly relationships? Hmmmm. Seems like there is room for improvement. Just like in every other relationship, it is constant, if your not working on it your probably regressing. God's not hiding from us. Scripture tells us he is always near. He just wants a little effort on our part. He's tired of the lopsided relationship where he gives and we take.

 

I'll leave you tonight with this thought and then we will pick up on Part 2. tomorrow.

 

If you feel far from God, consider that it isn't him that moved, he is constant!!

 

So, in 2014, make communicating with God a consistent part of your everyday. Not just a ritual before meals and bedtime, but a meaningful conversation with the greatest friend!! Not only will this improve your walk with God but it will improve many aspect of your life as well.

 

Mommies and daddies... don't hide in your closets to pray. Make prayer an obvious part of your daily life, as an example to your kids. Sometime in life our kids need to know that we don't have all the answers, but we can point them to the one who does. Mommy and daddy may not always be there in times of fear and failure, misunderstanding, or triumph, but if they know they can talk to an ever constant God then they will never feel alone and they will always know where to turn. Be an example of his grace in their lives, start with teaching them they can always talk to him!!

 

 

Update on Baby P's health.

So... we have really good news. All of our genetic testing results are in and they all resulted in good news. No genetic abnormalities that can be detected. We are very thankful for this because it seemed by some things they found on our ultrasound that baby was going to have Down Syndrome.  There we 2 of the major markers in the ultrasound findings but the testing was negative. :)

While this is good news, and we are praising God for it, there is still a need to find out the cause of at least 1 of the abnormal ultrasound findings. The other could be explained by just a history of small children, which all of our kids have been small. Babies bowels did appear to be calcified(almost like bone) in the ultrasound which could be any number of things on it's own. We will be going back to the specialist to have another ultrasound at about 28 weeks. We are praying that, as with all the other concerns they have had, the Great Physician would put his healing touch on Baby P's bowels and when we have our next ultrasound all the calcification will not be there.

It feels great to finally breathe and breath of relief.

I am felling great. Not having any preterm issues so far, since these issues usually start about now I am taking it very easy and trying to restrict myself even more than the Dr. already has. I am so thankful for my wonderful husband! He has been such a help, he has rallied the kids and assigned them jobs to help me out, all while balancing work and the demands of planting a new church . He has a lot on his plate, so pray for him that The Lord will give him the strength to do it all. He truly is my rock and it makes me feel completely safe and confident when I know that he draws his strength from The Rock, the true power source!

Thank you all for your continued prayers. We know the value of a prayer team can not be compared to anything else!!

By His Grace,
Kelli

Baby Gender Reveal

So... We had our Ultrasound about 2 1/2 weeks ago and we decided that we would have the Dr put the results in an envelope to be revealed on Christmas Eve. We gave the envelope to my mom so she could prepare the reveal and waited... and waited... and waited. Lol. Really it wasn't that long but it seemed like forever.

Yesterday was the big day. We all gathered around the Christmas tree, mom handed me a remote and told me to push the button. Suddenly the entire tree was lit with blue lights! IT'S A BOY!!!! Kevin and I were both almost positive it was a boy but the kids were surprised. Leah's first reaction was tears, she really wanted another sister. The boys were of course rejoicing, and Abigail just thought the lights were pretty(she really has no clue). Since we already have 2 boys, 2 girls, we were just praying for a healthy baby.

 

 

In my last post I said we were waiting on some testing to come back sometime in the next few weeks. Since we had some abnormal ultrasound findings. 2 of the test have come back negative(which is good). One was for Cystic Fibrosis and the other for a viral infection that can cause some of the issues that were found in babies development through ultrasound. We are still waiting on some genetic testing for Down Syndrome to come back. Depending on those results we will decide what further testing needs to be done to determine what is causing the abnormalities.

 

 

Continue to pray for Baby P to be healthy. Mommy and daddy are both at peace and confident in the ability to care for a child with special needs if that is what the Lord would choose, we are both just relieved that the heart is normally developing and has no issues.

 

 

Now to name this little guy...

What do you do when knowing God is in control still doesn't ease the pain?

So... some of you have noticed and asked me about my quietness and lack of updating on the baby. It is, in fact, purposefully, but now it is time that I feel comfortable breaking the silence.

Baby P 20 weeks 3D

Profile 20 weeks

A little gymnast. Knees touching the nose and toes above the head.

We had our regularly scheduled ultrasound last week,Wednesday, December 11th. Everything was going as you would normally expect in an ultrasound. We had told the technician that I didn't want to know the gender of the baby and she could find out and put it in an envelope for our Christmas reveal. She was measuring away. I always mention Carson's Chiari when they get to the brain part, I want them to pay close attention to their measurements and be more conscious of any issues. She mentioned that there was some excess fluid around the head and she was going to talk to the Dr about it and see what he wanted to do, but we went on with the ultrasound to get the other measurements and all the cute pictures. Once we got to a certain point she was doing a lot of searching and trying to get the baby to move, she told us that she could not get a clear measurement and view of the heart and that we may have to come back for another ultrasound. She sealed an envelope with the gender and we went on about our day awaiting a call from the Dr to tell us when he would like us to come back for another scan.

The next morning the Dr called and said that he was worried about excess fluid and swelling around the babies heart, as well as the fluid around the head. This is when i got scared!! The fluid around the brain didn't overly worry me, I mean, we've been there, done that. I was confident we could deal with those kinds of issues again, although we would not choose to, we could if needed; but issues with the heart?? That's just a whole other basket of issues to deal with. It's scary, and could be life threatening. They wanted to send us up to the Fetal Maternal Medicine Specialist in Indy and have a more in depth ultrasound and assessment done. She told me she would call me back with an appointment.

I'll just be honest and tell you that at this point I had a total melt down. Minutes seemed like hours, and hours seemed like days as we waited for them to call with an appointment. Thankfully Kevin was home for the morning hours. We were pretty much just stunned and in shock. We both cope completely differently with stress and issues. I cry, he shut off. He was trying his hardest to comfort me and I knew that all he was saying was true but it was not helping at the time.

He must have said 100 times "God is in control." Each time, in midst of my slowly breaking heart, I would think "Would you shut up?" Then after about 100 times I finally said it out loud. It didn't come out that way exactly, I had had some time to think about how to put it more graciously each time it was said. I mustered up enough wherewithal to mutter a few words before the tears started streaming...

 "Don't you think I know God is in control? Wasn't God in control when we spent an entire year with Carson in the hospital? Wasn't God in control when it meant hours of testing, poking, prodding, NG tubes, aspirating, pneumonia, being told to tell your baby bye 3 times in a short year before they FINALLY figured out what was wrong with him?" (BLANK STARE) "I know God's in control" I said "but that doesn't mean it will just disappear and everything will be OK. Don't you remember how hard that was when we only had 1 other child, now we have 4, what are we going to do?"

I am so glad that came out on my husband and not on some other well meaning Christian who tried to tell me God was in control.

So what do you do when knowing God is in control still doesn't ease the pain??

I'm not sure what you would do but I will tell you what I did... I cried ALOT, I poured my heart out to God over and over again asking for comfort and peace, and I immersed myself in scripture. Each time I opened the word to a passage it was as if God was directly speaking to me. Lots of verses about worry and fear popped into my path. I put my favorite song "Be still my soul, In you I rest" by Kari Jobe on repeat throughout the day. Guess what??? Maybe I am not as spiritual as some of you but even though I was immersed and surrounded by the Lord I was still worried. Did I know he was in control? YES. Was it the magic cure all? NO. I struggled; and I want you to know that. Many times I think that we as Christians(especially Pastor's wives) put on this perfect face in every situation. We act like we are invincible but the truth is we are hurting like everyone else. The church is a place for sick, hurting, battered, dirty, stinking people; Not a museum to pretend and show how perfect our lives are. It's no wondering a world of hurting people can't relate to most Christians, they all think we are perfect and have no problems, they feel condemned not understood!!

Sometimes the struggle is REAL, and it's really hard. I will say I can't imagine getting through tragedy and things in life without my relationship with the Lord, because there is a certain hope that I have in him, but that doesn't mean life is a bed of roses.

So... They FINALLY called us with an appointment. The words that came out of her mouth "NEXT TUESDAY" seemed cruel and unimaginable. How could you wait 4 days without knowing? It was a long 4 days but I am very thankful that it was only 4 days. I know sometimes it can take weeks to get into a specialist. Those 4 days were filled with good and bad times. Lots of prayer; and lots of Silence. You all know that I don't literally mean silence completely, there are 4 kids in this house, but my life was seemingly silent. I was fearfully seeking the presence of the Lord during every waking moment. I prayed for sleep, peace, and I prayed that I would feel the baby move more than normal just for assurance(I know, that is specific and maybe weird but the baby did move a lot during those 4 days)

Today was the day. Kevin was so nervous he looked like he was going to faint. He couldn't sit still. I was just trying to hold back tears before we even get there. We prayed in the car before going in. Let me just say I am so thankful for the amazing man of God that I get to call my husband! He is a rock, even when it's hard and I am falling apart.

We go in and have a VERY long and in depth ultrasound. Lots of questions are asked about previous pregnancies, ect... Then the Dr. come in and does some looking around and measuring the baby as well. This literally seemed like an eternity and I really thought Kevin was going to puke before the Dr. finally started talking.

He said "Let me start by telling you that the concerns your Dr. had that caused him to send you here are not at all troublesome to me". Instant wieght lifted from my entire being and I could breathe easier!! He saw nothing wrong with the heart at all and said the fluid around the brain was within normal parameters. He then followed that with some news about some things that were concerning to him. These we are not yet sharing because there is no need to worry everyone until we know anything for sure, but he spent about 30 minutes explaining a lot of information to us about these things, some testing that we needed to do, a lot of statistics, and a plan of action. Then he let us ask questions and decide if we would accept his plan of action. We decided to go ahead with some more testing and met with a genetic counselor; as well as getting about a gallon of blood drawn. The chances of these things they are testing for is small, but things that we have an increased risk for, and some of the abnormalities on the ultrasound are common with them.Even while the possibility of some issues still wait in the unknown, I am so at peace. While I would not choose for our child to have ANY issues I feel much better about dealing with ANY issue other than the heart. I guess for me the heart is just the center of life and it was really scary to me. So while I am still a tad bit worried, I don't feel overly consumed.

We should have some preliminary test results back in a week and we will know where we need to go from there.

We would appreciate and request your continued prayer for this little baby! I had just gotten to a point in the pregnancy where I had determined to stop worrying and start enjoying and then all of this happened. I am still trying to seek what God is trying to teach me through all of this. I am still holding to the promise "His GRACE is sufficient for me, his strength is made perfect in my weakness"

Behold, the maidservant of the Lord!!

As the Christmas season approaches and the story of the birth of Christ is on our minds there are many things that we can take from a well known story. Sometimes we concentrate only on certain parts of the story and completely skip over others. This year as the Birthday of Christ arrives I encourage you to read Luke's account of the birth with eye wide open. Seeking to learn something new. This happened to me this week while working in the kids ministry at our church. The lesson was being given and it was a well known part of the story, but one phrase was said and it sent my mind whirling, 100 miles an hour.

Luke gives the most detailed account of the events that lead up to the birth of Christ as well as the event itself. In this passage Luke 1:26-38 the birth of Jesus is foretold to a very important piece of the puzzle. There are several things that have jumped out to me since reading the account thoroughly but the one I want to concentrate on MOST is the response of Mary.

²⁶ In the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent from God to a city of Galilee named Nazareth, ²⁷ to a virgin betrothed^[a] to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David. And the virgin's name was Mary. ²⁸ And he came to her and said, “Greetings, O favored one, the Lord is with you!”^{[b] 29} But she was greatly troubled at the saying, and tried to discern what sort of greeting this might be. ³⁰ And the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. ³¹ And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus. ³² He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. And the Lord God will give to him the throne of his father David, ³³ and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end.”

³⁴ And Mary said to the angel, “How will this be, since I am a virgin?”<sup>[c]

35</sup> And the angel answered her, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born^[d] will be called holy—the Son of God. ³⁶ And behold, your relative Elizabeth in her old age has also conceived a son, and this is the sixth month with her who was called barren. ³⁷ For nothing will be impossible with God.” ³⁸ And Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant^[e] of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” And the angel departed from her.

Now we all see Mary's initial surprise. I'm pretty sure if an angel appeared to us, we would be surprised at first too!! Then the angel says to her "Do not be afraid, you have found favor with the Lord" WOW!! Mary's parents must have done some serious training, or somewhere along the way she had an amazing Christian role model in her life. To find high favor in the Lord's site she must have been an outstanding woman. Then the angel tells her of the Lord's plan for her(don't we all wish it was that clear) and she has an honest question. "How can this be?" It was not a ridiculous question, after all she was a virgin. She was genuinely confused. She wasn't questioning God's plan, she was just asking for clarification. So the angel gives her clarification and tells her of another miracle that is under way, her cousin Elizabeth, in her old age has conceived. All of these things are things that we often concentrate on when telling the story but what I want to concentrate on is the final response that Mary has.

³⁸ And Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant^[e] of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” And the angel departed from her.

Absolute surrender, total trust and confidence,let it be. You know sometimes we skim over that as if it was no big deal. We know that it was the Lord's will to use Mary in this manner and sometimes I think we take for granted that she had the absolute perfect response!! WHAT IF SHE HAD SAID NO?? That was an option. Because we look back on it as history we see it as set in stone, final, the only way. However, we should realize that Mary could have said "No Way!! You are crazy, find someone else." I am sure that the Lord knew she had a heart for his will and would have the proper response but that doesn't change the fact that she was human and she could have said no.

Many time in life, when we find the will of God for our lives we don't have the proper response. We question God. We flat out tell him no. We worry what others will think. We try to think out all the scenario's in our mind and figure it out ourselves. We try to play god in our own lives and we deny the power and grace of God over our lives because we fail to just take him at his word and do as he says.

Here's the phrase that hit me this week...

You never know if what God is asking you to do will change the whole world.

Wow! That made me think(I'm not sure any of the kids got it but I sure did). I thought, geez, I could be giving birth to the next great missionary, Jim Elliot, Billy Graham, Corrie Ten Boom. Here I am complaining and questioning God's plan, because it wasn't what I had pre-determined in my heart, when he has a plan for this child!! Of course, it wasn't as clearly presented as the angel Gabriel coming down and telling me I was birthing the Messiah, but in that moment it seemed like I had seen an angel. Even if this child grows in the Lord and only reaches 1 soul for the Lord he will have served a purpose in the kingdom. Someone 20 years from now may be waiting, hurting, searching, and this child may be the smiling face that encourages them and leads them to the Lord. :) Brings tears to my eye's just thinking about it.

Daily, it seems, that we as Christians totally ignore the will of the Lord that has been made perfectly clear to us because it makes us uncomfortable(The Great Commission) and then wonder why he isn't revealing anything great to us. Mary was highly favored, this leads me to assume that she was daily walking in the will and promises of the Lord. The Lord didn't choose her for such a great task randomly, he knew clearly that she was a follower of him. Don't expect God to reveal something great to you, if you wont deny yourself daily, take up your cross and follow him. The blessing that we are missing out on because we wont simply obey. OUCH!!

As I have pondered these things I have prayed to the Lord "help me to have the heart and response of Mary. Anytime you as anything of me,  give me the GRACE that my response would be that of absolute surrender, total trust, and peace. Let it be! Behold, the maidservant of the Lord!"

Week 17 update

Had my regularly scheduled appointment today at 17 weeks, 3 days. I would have had to make an appointment even if I had not had one scheduled because I have been having some contractions and cramping the last week or so. I had been holding off calling the Dr. because I knew I would be there this week anyways.

I have finally gain 3 pounds so he was happy about that(I'm pretty sure my date with the tub of Hershey Smore's Icing a few days ago had somethign to do with that). I feel like all I have done all week is eat. I wake up hungry, I go to bed hungry, I eat all day long. Hey, he told me I needed to gain a little more weight so what's the harm. It's mostly fruit and healthy snacks anyways, except the icing incident!

Baby was once again so wiggly that it took forever to find a heartbeat and even when she did find one the baby quickly shifted and she had to search again so we have no exact count but it sounded good and healthy. :)

When I explained that I had been having some contractions but that I wasn't overly concerned because when I sat down they would go away after a while. She agreed that she wasn't overly concerned but that with my history it would be smart to take it as easy as possible she increased the restrictions a little bit. Gave my a weight restriction, told me not to carry laundry baskets or children up the stairs, limit the trips up the stairs to only necessary trips, and increase the ungodly amount of water I am already drinking by 20 ounces. There was a little indication that I may have a UTI and she was sending a sample for that hoping that the contractions are just being caused by bladder irritability. She gave me the spcheel about preterm labor and told me to use my best judgement because they wont hesitate to put me on hospital bedrest which is something we definitly DO NOT want. It would be very hard for the kids to cope with a long hospital stay and Kevin is currently working 2 jobs not including church work so that would make things pretty difficult on him.

So, as a warning... If you plan on beign at my house between now and the month of may expect it to be messy. It will drive me insane but a healthy baby is important and we have to keep this little one cooking as long as possible.

We scheduled the ultrasound for next Wednesday, which is a little earlier than I expected. We plan on having them put the gender in an envelope and have mom and dad make up a special box for us to open as a family on Christmas Eve. So it will be almost 2 weeks after the ultrasound before we actually know if it is a boy or a girl. I thought waiting a few days would be hard :/ I can't wait to know the gender so we can nail down names and get a few of the things we need(since we thought we were done after Abigail we got rid of everything).

Prayerfully things will remain quiet and we wont have any issues to report at or before my next appointment on New year's eve. Thanks as always for your prayers!

Kelli

Honesty...from the heart of a struggling mom.

Well, today is the day. The dreaded day for an OCD mommy, who likes everything just right, and is constantly up and going. The day I had to tell the family(and myself)
I can't continue at this pace...
I need your help...
Everyone has to pitch in.

 I have been having bouts of contractions no they aren't braxton hicks, I know the difference after 4 pregnancies and 4 preterm labors off and on for a few days and since preterm labor is a huge concern(as I have delivered all of our other bundles early) and I am only 17 weeks, it is time for mommy to put the feet up and do as little as possible for a few days. :(

Honestly, I am a little disappointed! I felt like I had been doing really well with limiting my activity, sitting as much as possible, monitoring the number of trips I take up and down the stairs with heavy laundry baskets, ect... I was at least expecting to make it to the midway point before having any issues.

 Also, I don't want to start hearing the strings of insults added to injury, as everyone feels the need to voice their opinion about yet another pregnancy. Since all of our others have been high risk, people often ask... Why would we choose to have another pregnancy, risk another miscarriage, risk another preterm birth, unhealthy baby, and so on.

If I'm going to be honest I have to say that I have struggled with many of these questions myself this time around. Don't get me wrong, I am very excited and wonderfully blessed to be counted worthy by the Lord to deliver, raise, train, and care for another one of his children. I don't know if it is Satan and his doubt creeping in, pregnancy hormones, or the weight of others "concerned questioning" that is getting to me but something has just got me down.

 This pregnancy thing is not getting any easier the older I am getting and I am already feeling very overwhelmed many days by the task of parenting the kids we have. When we first found out we were pregnant I didn't know whether to laugh or cry(I did a little of both). I wasn't sure if I was ready for this. I was afraid to tell anyone, even our family, knowing that everyone has an opinion about the amount of children we already have, let alone adding another one.  There have been days since then that I have just looked at Kevin and burst out in tears, overwhelmed by the thought of adding another child into the chaos that we call life. We have very well behaved children but even just the everyday care for this many people can be overwhelming for one person and sometimes I let that overwhelmed feeling swallow up all my joy. I am consumed with worry and have spent many sleepless nights worrying about preterm labor, bed rest, hospitalization, ect... wondering how on earth things will function with mommy not going full throttle?!

I promised the Dr that I would limit myself and my activity so that he would not just bed rest me from the very beginning. He gave me a list of guideline to follow. Sitting for 15 consecutive minutes every hour, not lifting things heavier than Abigail, drinking an insane amount of water, and so on.

I've spent a lot of time feeling guilty because I am not thoroughly enjoying this pregnancy as I have the others. I LOVE being pregnant and having babies, but this time is different, and I can't figure out why. I almost haven't wanted to admit it to anyone but I have come to the point today that I reached the end of me. I have had to ask my family for help and I decided to get over my pride and ask you all for prayer. Perhaps the Lord is humbling me, trying to teach me something about my pride or my OCD. Even as I write this I fear that I sound disappointed to be having another baby, I assure you I am not. I am so excited to have another little bundle of joy, I'm just overwhelmed. :)

I'm not asking for reassurance that everything will be fine, I know this too shall pass. I'm just asking for prayer that whatever this feeling is, it will go away. That I will be able to enjoy this experience one last time and that the Lord will put his protective hand over this pregnancy and this child. He is obviously in control, this is his plan, and I want to enjoy it every step of the way. Without reservation. I just need to lean on his GRACE to get me through.

Proverbs 31: 25-26

    She is clothed with strength and dignity,
    and she laughs without fear of the future.
    When she speaks, her words are wise,
    and she gives instructions with kindness.
                                             Proverbs 31: 25-26

Proverbs 31 is an amazing scripture reference for being a Godly wife and mother. These are a few of my favorite verses from the passage. Probably because I struggle with them. Often I find myself quivering with fear of the future, not all feeling clothed with strength and dignity, not all my words are wise, and all to often my instruction is given in frustration rather than in kindness. It is in these times that I realize I am not being a GODLY mother and wife. I am trying my WORLDLY best to be a good mother and wife but I need the Lord working through me to fill me with the characteristics listed above.


He surrounds me with strength and dignity(as a warm coat). He allows me peace about what lies ahead and Joy even in the midst of everyday life. His words are wise, and when they are hidden in my heart and used to instruct my children, then my instructions are wise and kind.  In order to be a Godly mother and wife I first must be filled to the brim with him and his love. Then and only then can I fulfill the calling he has given me to train and bring my children up in his grace.


When our focus is properly on him, all other things will fall into place. I'm no SUPERMOM, but when I do things his way... He does SUPERNATURAL things through me. I am only an instrument used to communicate his love the 4(soon to be 5) wonderful little people he has blessed me with.


You pray for me and I will pray for you, that we will be filled to the brim with him, so that he can overflow into the lives of those that we, as mothers, have the most influence over. May they be filled just as tributaries, flooded with the rushing river of God's grace.

How parenting changes from one child to the next.

So... just when you think you've got this parenting thing figured out, life throws you a curve ball. i.e. you have another child and they are the exact opposite of your first child.  Parenting multiple children can often become a juggling act. Trying to accommodate their different needs and wants, personalities, what disciple techniques are affective/ noneffective, emotions, well you get the point. Then for us throw a very sick child into the mix, a few hundred days in the hospital, a few thousand test, a brain surgery, learning delays, therapies,ect, and then you really really have a juggling act on your hands. Only 2 people out of their ever loving minds would decide to continue having children and not just one of them but 3 and counting and trust that the Lord will bless us with the amount of children that we can adequately juggle :) Those 2 people would be us!

A lot of experts would love for you to believe that parenting is a one size fits all, one stop shop. Meaning if you just apply the right techniques with each of your children they will turn out to be  "normal" people although I am really not sure what a good definition of NORMAL would be. I admit, when I was younger I often took this approach to parenting, honestly sometime I still find myself wondering why certain techniques are not working. Then I realize that I am falling into that trap of believing that all children are robots and when programed correctly will live exactly how I want them to.

Praise the Lord that we are all fearfully and wonderfully made, uniquely designed for his specific purpose, to fulfill his special will for our lives. Each of my precious children were formed in the womb to be their own. They are in different places physically, mentally, emotionally, and most of all spiritually.

I recently found myself at one of these crossroads. Where I was trying to use the same techniques for all the children, convincing myself that all of them should be parented in the same manner. That if they weren't in the same place social then one of them needed to adjust, suck it up, toughen up...
 I had also fallen into the trap of believing that the child,or adult much like myself, who doesn't deal well with social situations and constantly worries about what others think has an issue that they just need to work through. After MANY and I do mean MANY hours of prayer, tears, lost sleep, ect. The Lord told me "Kelli, think back to your childhood, when you struggled with these very same things, and happen to be the same personality type. What would you have like to be done? What did your parents do? How did you feel? What made you feel safe, secure, and well listened to?"

 I knew the answer all along. It was right in front of me. It was the story of my life literally replaying itself in front of me. Yet, because I, still as an adult, struggle with needing the approval of others I thought maybe a different approach was needed. Then, again the Lord knocked me on the head and said "Hello, I created you that way. To be sensitive to the thoughts and emotions of others. This is often a great tool that you use to minister to people that no one has has slowed down and observed well enough to see their internal hurt in their eyes. This is not always a bad thing. You don't need to be toughened up. I made you perfectly who you are. Even if that means you are an extremely emotional person. Those emotions when displayed in pure worship or outcry to me as your Heavenly Father are just the emotions I created you for."

Sin has twisted and corrupted even those things that God has created us with, to make us feel weak, unstable, ect... but when we listen to The Lord's purpose for hand crafting us in that fashion it is SUCH a different story.

He opened my eyes to the fact that I was trying to put all of my kids into this socially acceptable box when I shouldn't be concerned about what anyone thinks but him.
Even when this means that parenting 2 children in drastically different ways??

 YES.

This is stemming from a roller coaster ride that we call educating our kids. We've home schooled, we've done public school, we haven't yet been able to afford Christian school, and in each of these environments some of our children have thrived and some of them have withered. Here I was trying to convince myself that what was done for 1 must be done for all. Meaning if we home schooled one, we home schooled all. If one went to public school they all did. Yet I failed to realize I can't do this. Leah, socially sensitive, like her mama, thrives in the one on one educational arena of homeschooling. Carson, who requires therapies and services that are best suited to him through the school and who is an extrovert like daddy thrives in the public school arena. So we tried to home school both, epic failure in Carson's department. So we decided to put them in public school, epic fail in Leah's department. It is obvious that trying to force one or the other into an environment that they don't thrive in will not mold them into a stronger person. In fact, it breaks them down, ruins their self confidence and steals their joy.

So while this post isn't meant to become a debate about home school vs public school, I am coming to the conclusion that each of my children is different and sometimes different means that you have to parent differently. Yes, homeschooling one, and sending one to school, while entertaining a preschooler, and energetic toddler is going to be one more ball for this pregnant mama to juggle. I'll juggle a million balls to do what's best for these kiddos, each individually!

 I'm really glad that The Lord hasn't just thrown his hands up and said "Well, if you wont all listen to the same calling then I'm just done trying" No! He hears each of our prayers, each of our sufferings and worries and he answers them individually and with a specific purpose! That's why his grace is perfect, and why I'm striving to seek his grace in each parenting lesson he is teaching me!!

Stop by and like my facebook page.

https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Gods-grace-for-me-revealed-by-being-mommy/167322750116109

I'm still new to this blogging stuff and haven't quite figured out how to get all the little links and tabs on my blog that I would like to. Here is the link to my blogging facebook page. Stop by and check out the posts. Anything from meal planning, parenting and pregnancy.

Thanks,
Kelli

Be still my soul, the Lord is by your side!

When God blesses your child with an amazingly special trait and other kids use it as a torturing device because it is different than most others what do you do?
Our daughter, Leah,  has 2 different colored eyes, a wonderful trait that we have always trained her to be proud and excited about. Letting her know that God made her special and unique for a wonderful purpose. I, as a mother have always worried that kids would make fun of her for it at some point in her life. We talked as parents, when she was very young, about being VERY committed to teaching her to embrace how she was created and know that it is wonderful. Therefor the thought of a colored contact or any other way to cover up this trait just is not an option for us. We wanted to be on the same page before the issue even arose.
Like most girls, and even more genetically like the Bourland side of her family, she is a very sensitive, compassionate young lady. Will cry sympathetically for a friend whose hurting, at an emotional tv situation, ect... I tell you she gets it honest, I am a crier, my dad is a crier, his dad is a crier, she comes from a long line of criers!!!
So a few weeks ago, my fears about this subject came true. She came home from school upset that some kids on the playground had called her Frankenstein and said mean things about her eyes being different. We have always taught our kids when they are being bullied by others to show compassion and forgiveness. Explaining that their parents might not be very nice people, or may not teach them what is nice and not nice, or maybe they are dealing with a really tough situation and they were being mean because of that. While it does not excuse the behavior, we should still forgive them and pray for them. So that is the discussion we had that day, followed by instruction to go get a teacher if it happened again...
So today, I go to pick up Leah from school. I am met by a teary eyed baby girl and an equally as emotional teacher. Her teacher begins to explain what happened, that Leah was holding the door for other children to come in from recess, the line was stopped for some reason and a girl from another class calls out to her friends "Look at this FREAK she has 2 different color eyes" Leah is of course crying by now, teacher is about to, and so am I. As if that's not bad enough I expected her to say this was like a 4th or 5th grader but no... this came from the mouth of a 1st grader!! I don't know whether to be mad or feel sorry for them? Not even that they noticed her eyes and had a little laugh but that they called her a freak. My poor baby girl.
My immediate reaction is, how are we going to deal with this. 2 times in a few weeks, 2 different children have caused an issue about this. I think about the contact discussion we had 6 years ago, I think of Christian School(no guarantee it wont happen there either)l, and homeschooling(which she wants really badly and I am a total advocate for) and then I think of how we've taught her to embrace it. My mommy heart say protect, my mommy brain says teach, my inner sinner says be angry. OHH MYY so many emotions and thought right now.
My husband is out of town. I sent him a brief message concerning the issue(as he was still in meetings) he responds immediately with "How much would it cost to homeschool her" probably because he knows that's what we both want anyways(and his daddy heart jumped to protect just like mine did) To which I want to write the check tomorrow, but then have to take into consideration the other children and their needs.
Our son Carson needs some therapies and is a social person, he thrives in the school scenario and not so much when we homeschooled. Do we do things separately? Him in school and her homeschooled?  We have Ethan who will start Kindy next fall and is excited to go to school like his siblings, do we consider Christian school for the boys and homeschooling for Leah(at this point our budget would never allow for that, trust me I am doing research and cutting every possible penny I can to constantly try to make that a reality)
Finally when I feel completely overwhelmed the lyrics to one of my favorite songs pops into my mind...
BE STILL MY SOUL, THE LORD IS BY YOUR SIDE... I try to calm my mind and pray to the Lord. I reason with him about public school and how he knows I hate the thought and have struggled with it since we moved here, I reason with him about our budget and Christian school, or homeschooling, I talk with him about his command to guard my children's hearts and how I so desire to just do that perfectly, but I'm not perfect... I'm not being very still even in my prayers. So I stop and ask for wisdom and just wait to hear from him...
Being a parent is hard work, being a Godly parent is even harder... wisdom is essential.
 Until I hear that still small voice I remember these verses from Psalm "I lift my eye's until the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of Heaven and earth." The Lord knows my every desire, and as far as this subject goes, they haven't' changed lately. I need to be still, and lift my eyes to him, he is the source of my strength.
Waiting for answers is NOT easy, but it's just another way that being a mommy has taught me to rely fully on God's grace.

If your not moving forward your moving backwards.

In a world that in constantly moving, I think it is safe to say that if you aren't moving forward your moving backwards. Life doesn't stand still, for anyone, so if your stuck in a funk your slowly fading backwards.
I know as a mom I can not be the only one who struggle with this. There are times where I am 3 steps ahead of everyone, the house is immaculate, the hubs and kids are fed, full, and happy, we are all emotionally and spiritually in a good place and life is great. Then there are times where I feel like I can't keep up, no matter what I do someone is not getting what they need, when they need it, the house is a wreck, I am sleep deprived and just don't have the motivation to do anything at all. I'm impatient and easily frazzled. We all know that is just a spiral into even more stuff getting piled up and a more distinct feeling of being overwhelmed by it all. After all, if your not moving ahead, your falling behind.
As mom and wife you have to be 100% all the time. You are the clock that keeps everyone ticking. You don't get sick days and your on call 24/7. It is the most blessed calling in the world, but can at times be very discouraging.
We all know what they say... in order to care for others you have to care for yourself first. This is where I often make the mistake. Everything that I need gets put on the back burner until everyone else is happy(which seems like never) and even then I am too tired to worry about me. I'm the last one to eat, I wake early with the kids, and stay up late to spend time with Kevin and never take time to take care of myself spiritually,physically, and emotionally. It usually starts with my spiritual well being taking a back burner, then I get emotionally frazzled, and finally my physical being says "I'm done" The whole family is whirling into a state of craziness by this point. I loose my consistency and patience as a mom and wife and I loose myself in trying to tread the water that daily life is trying to drowned me in.
So I decided each month to make a list(I am a list person). I do better at reaching my goals when I can see them in writing! So I decided on 4 categories Spiritual, Physical, Marriage(Relationship Building), and Parenting.  I listed 5 thing in each category that were most important to me right now. These thing may stay on my list for several month, some of them may change month to month but it a good way for me to keep them in the forefront of my mind so I can consciously work on them... So that I am consistently moving forward!
 I have a hard time, like most moms , with keeping these categories in proper order. It seems selfish to worry about yourself first, but it really is most healthy for everyone when you are operating at 100%.
 From a biblical prospective the most important of these categories is Spiritual. So I make Spiritual week 1 of each month. Then comes physical, which is week 2. Marriage/Relationship building(this is a hard ones for moms to put in front of parenting but it is vital to keep your relationship with your spouse healthy so that you can both be good parents), so this is week 3. Then parenting, week 4. If you keep this going for a few month in a row then you will have worked on each category an equal amount of time. Keep in mind that the first month is your fresh start, your life boat, your helicopter. You are being rescued from the overwhelmed mommy state and transforming into a healthy you, spiritually, physically, and emotionally, for the betterment of all those in relationships with you.
I am going to share this months list with you. Everyone is different and you may not need the same things that I need but sometimes it is hard to get started so my list might help you get a jump start.
Week 1- Spiritual
1. Read bible daily- I'll be honest and say that this still does not happen every day as it should, sometimes I have to read 2 or 3 days in my plan to get caught up. From the minute I wake to the minute my eyes close there is someone(usually between the ages of 8 and 2) that needs my attention, my help, my everything. This is however vitally important to every other thing there is in life. When I am spiritually grounded everything else will fall into it's place.
2. Cut out anything that is not moving me towards Christ- this is a tricky one because these things are not necessarily all bad things or bad people but... if your not moving forward then your falling backwards and anyone or anything that is not pushing you towards Christ needs to be cut from your time.
3. Make prayer a priority- Sure, we pray at meals, and when things get really tough, but is prayer a priority? For me, my prayer closet is the shower. When I am emotionally spent, spiritually drained, or overly worried I sneak away to the shower. I cry, I pray, and cry some more. I almost never get a shower without interruption but it is by far the place I am least interrupted throughout my day. Plus it is something that is consistent in my schedule, every day, so I know I will get my prayer time in every day if I pray in the shower. Ask my husband, I spend a ridiculous amount of time in the shower, and this is why, it is my getaway from the world and get with God place, as weird as that may be, it works for me.
4. Clean out the well- The bible says that the heart is the well spring of life. Is your well polluted? What you put in, will eventually be the overflow that comes out. What is really down deep in that well is what comes out when you are pressured, angry, and at the end of you. It's not always good. This is why all the steps above are essential. The more good you put in the less polluted your well will be.  :)
5. Surround yourself with good spiritual influences- this one pretty much speaks for itself. Spiritually healthy people need to be surrounded by other spiritually healthy people.

Week 2 Physical
1. Drink enough water- I never drink enough water. Especially not right now because there is a little pumpkin sitting on my bladder.
2. Don't eat if you aren't really hungry- the curse of the SAHM, snacking out of boredom! This is a struggle for me.
3. Be active for at least 30 minutes- It's just good for your health.
4. Get to bed at a decent time- this is the worst one for me. I get up very early with the kids but Kevin works night shift and gets home late. If I don't wait up for him I don't get to see him, and by the time we spend a few hours together at night it leaves very little time for me to sleep. I'm sure this will be one I am working on for a few months.
5. Eat breakfast- I never eat breakfast. Never have been a big breakfast person and morning is the busiest time around here. By the time I realize I haven't eaten it is almost lunch time so I usually just wait.

Week 3 Marriage/Relationship building
1. Encourage- your spouse thrives on your encouragement, whether they admit it or not. When they know they are highly valued in your eyes they will feel confident enough to do anything. I really struggle with this. I feel awkward when people compliment me and it is just as awkward for me to praise others, but it is important and I need to work on it.
2.Say I love you more- I think most married couples get so used to saying I love you that it becomes habit. Something you say as you leave, when your getting off the phone, before bed... but do you tell your spouse you love them any other time? Text him when you think of him and tell him you love him. Everyone wants to feel loved.
3. Kiss every chance you get- I don't know about you but in our relationship a kiss is powerful, but it often becomes a habit as well. Be spontaneous and sneak a kiss in every now and then.
4. Listen to his complaints and fix them- this one is hard for me, I don't like to be corrected or criticize and I usually pull away, or ignore whatever he says when this happens. Instead i should do everything I can to meet his needs, if he's voicing a compliant, whether i feel it is legitimate or not, I should do everything in my power to fix it. If he complains that he has no socks then as much as I hate mating socks I need to take time out of my day to be sure he has socks the next time he goes looking for them.
5. Be SelfLESS not SelfISH

Week 4 Parenting
1. Be the example- don't be one of those do as I say not as I do parents. Live out a life of consistency so that your kids can see your actions and follow suit. If they have an example to follow they are almost assuredly going to do as you want them to.
2. Be consistent- even when your tired, you've had enough, and you feel like you cant do anymore. Kids thrive on consistency so if you say it follow through, every time. This is crucially important for parents to be on the same page in order to be consistent together.
3.Teeth brushing- once a day we are good at, Leah usually gets twice a day because she lies to brush her teeth but the others could care less. We just need to be better at it.
4. Choose your words wisely- there is great power in the words of a parent. Are you choosing your words wisely. Sometimes it is better to say nothing and send them to their room, than to speak in anger. Calm down and then talk about the situation.
5. Encourage more than discourage- some kids require ALOT of correction, sometimes it is hard to remember that those kids need just as much affirmation as correction. This in and of itself can take up a lot of your time, especially if you have one or more strong willed children. Be sure your building up just as much as you are disciplining.

Habits become disciplines, disciplines form character, and character forms who you are. By working on each of these things 1 day per week and continuing to work on them for the next month you can form good habits that will transform who you are. Eventually you wont even have to think about them, they will be second nature and you can remove them from your list and add another thing to be working on. As parents and spouses we have never ARRIVED, we are always having to work to become better, or we are getting worse. Most of these things will definitely take God's grace to apply, but with his help they will become part of who you are.
Work to become a better you.

Week 11

So I can't say enough about how much better I have felt since the last update! Hello week 11, one more week and we are out of the 1st trimester!! I have went a full week without any sickness and maybe only 2 times of nausea. I wound up loosing a total of 6 pounds before the nausea slowed down but I am 2 pounds from being back up to my starting weight.

I went to the Dr. last week. Always fun when you switch providers and have to give you medical history.  Just my pregnancy histories are a book in themselves. We got done with all that and were ready to hear the heartbeat for the first time. You know the moment where those who have had early miscarriages breathe a sigh of relief, that sound is so wonderfully comforting.

 Well... she listened, and moved the Doppler and pushed and poked, and I could tell by the look on her face she was getting worried, after all, I had just given her a medical history of 3 early miscarriages. I had told myself about 30 seconds into her search that God was in control, no matter what, and held my breathe. When I saw her getting nervous I got a little more nervous myself but I told her that sometimes the Dr's have trouble finding heartbeat early on and have to do ultrasounds to see the heartbeat. She agreed and searched some more with that worried look on her face. I said out loud(because I was repeating it to myself over and over in my mind)  GOD IS IN CONTROL NO MATTER WHAT. She looked at me, surprised, and said let me go get the nurse, she can ALWAYS find it when I can't. So she goes and gets her. They come back in and she listens, and searches, and pokes and prods and she can't find it either. All this time I am repeating in my mind, God is in control, God is in control. Finally after what seemed like forever(I am sure it was only about a minute) they decide to do an ultrasound...and there it was(much to every ones relief), a strong little heart beat, and baby was moving around all over the place. She said "no wonder we couldn't hear the heartbeat, baby wont stay still long enough" Praise the Lord! Signs of a healthy baby, wiggling all over!!

I have an official growth ultrasound on Wednesday, and have begun the blood thinning injections. This mama is much less stressed than I was 2 weeks ago. Although I would be lying if I said I still was not a little nervous. I want to hear a strong heart beat immediately next time, and I will be a lot more relieved when I feel those consistent little movements. Each time I have felt them sooner and sooner. I think it is too soon to say for sure but I am almost positive that I felt hiccups the other day. Rhythmic little movements. That is such a distinct feeling that it is hard to miss and I am almost positive that's what it was.

 Hopefully by next week I will have some good ultrasound pics and the updates will get a little more interesting with belly pics.

On a funny note, the kids have started giving there opinions on names...
Leah- Flowerdy, Ana, or Analise(obviously she wants a girl)
Carson- Jesus
Ethan- R2D2
Abigail has not a clue what we are talking about!!

Thank you all so much for your continued prayers and support.

Family Closet

So... with all the people in our family we have so much laundry. It is an all day everyday event. Plus, with little kids, trying to let them be independent  is just a disaster. They aren't really tall enough to reach any of the clothes and when they try, they just knock everything into the closet floor. 90% of the time I wind up getting their clothes for them to avoid the mess, or I have to go back in later and clean it up. I had read several blogs on organizing and decluttering and had seen "the family closet"several times. Most people do this in their large laundry room or basement, or devote a whole room to it. Well, my laundry area, doesn't even qualify as a room. It is in a hallway behind bi fold doors. There is enough room for the appliances but nothing else(it is the one feature of our house I would change). Since we are already short on space, dedicating a whole room to it is obviously NOT an option. However, the closet in our master bedroom is rather large and already had all the shelving and hanging space installed so I thought it would work perfectly. So today I did it. I forgot to start taking picture before I started so I got my closet about half way switched over before I took a pic, but still good enough for you to get the point. I started in our closet, which was like half closet half church office supplies.

<Kevin's side
 My side after I started>
Random church supplies and Shoes

 



 



So I switched all of my stuff over with Kevin's. It made that side a little less spacious but we will live. Then I started going through the kids closets. I figured while I was at it I may as well purge a little junk. Our kids have a lot of clothes from hand-me-downs so I limited how much they had. I do this about once a month anyways, it was time. Then I started moving the small dressers and kids stuff into our closet. I am so pleased with the results, and I did a load of laundry and took the basket up to the closet. I was able to do everything, fold, sort, hang all in one place!! It was so great and saved me at least 10-15 minutes of making trip up and down the stairs!

 

                                                                                                                                              

 

^^Messy Kids Closets Before^^

 

 

 

 

                                               ^^ Finished product^^
Well, After I took the picture I added labels to the kids drawers so we would all know what was in them. Other than that that is what it looks like. Now the kids' closets can be used for toy storage or something else, and I don't constantly have a huge mess to worry about! :) It may be just a phase but for now I like it and if it makes doing laundry easier then it's a bonus!

Week 9 Update

Well, week 8 was nothing to right home about, that's for sure! I have never, ever had morning sickness this bad. Last week was the worst. A good friend let me borrow Sea Bands which helped manage the sickness enough that I could actually drink and keep something down. I lost 4 pounds because of how sick I was and I am still not sure if maybe I had a stomach bug on top of morning sickness, because it was BAD!
Week 9 has started off MUCH better! I am pretty good on the sickness front unless I let myself get too hungry. Warm liquids, such as broths and hot tea, have helped tremendously. I almost feel like a normal functioning person again.
I am still very nervous because our insurance has not all worked out for me to see the dr yet and with the blood clotting disorder I have I need to be on blood thinners from early on in pregnancy until I have baby. The risk for miscarriage(which we have endured 3 of) increases the longer you are not on the blood thinners. Please pray with us that everything will be worked out and I can get into the dr soon. I know that the Great Physician, my Savior, has his hands on this baby and his/her health so I am trying to just rely on his promises and not worry too much about the issues.
Quite honestly I have been emotionally drained over the last week because I have spent my time worrying and fretting at every little crampy pain or weird feeling I have. It is so hard early on, when you can't feel baby move and know that they are ok. I have decided today that I am not going to ask my God to take care of all the issues but then continue to worry and stress about the issues. He is in control. Good or Bad. My husband, the ever faithful one, said to me last week "Kelli, who is in control? Isn't God good in all things" Emotionally i was not ready to hear that then, I broke down and cried(and cried, and cried some more) YES, the answer is yes he is in control, and he is good in all things. It just wasn't very comforting at that moment because all I could think was "Yes he is in control, but he was in control the last 3 miscarriages we had  as well, so just because he is in control doesn't mean that things will always turn out the way I would like them to"
I have spent a lot of time since then praying and pleading with God to give me the peace that I need to let him have control and to trust that he is working all things together for my good, no matter what the outcome.
It seems like when you are in ministry and you are really working for the Lord that Satan will attack in any and EVERY way that he possibly can. Kevin has gently reminded me at points throughout the week to be prepared for Satan's attacks and to send him away wounded when he does attack, instead of allowing him to do the wounding. The truth is that each testing is an opportunity for you to Glorify God who has already defeated the enemy!!
I wont pretend that I don't get discouraged and that I haven't let Satan win a few battles this week but I am purposing to send Satan packing, and trust in the grace of God to get me through each moment. He will provide what we need, in his timing, and no matter the outcome, HE IS GOOD!!